Random Text

I have recently fallen in love with Google Reader, and on my reader I am subscribed to a site that posts witty, hilarious, random and often obscene text messages. But random. That's the word we'll focus on because it reminds me of the story of how I found out my cousin in Vancouver had gotten a new cell phone number.

M and I both work in downtown and often share stories of the strange things that we witness on our way to or from work or at lunch. So I text her the following:

"There is this particularly aggressive homeless man that always stands on the same corner holding his crotch. I have no idea what it's about but I am afraid."

In response I get: "Who is this?" which actually wasn't all that surprising because I haven't texted Monika in a long time (we usually converse over email.)

I say: "haha, this is Marcella"

"wrong number i am assuming? :) "

I respond (still thinking it's my cousin and assuming she doesn't have my cell phone programmed in hers so she doesn't recognize my number... obviously not very quick to catch on): "Not if you're my cousin M!"

"nope i'm michael."

At this point I have to apologize as profusely as I can over texting and try to explain what would be a rather disturbing text from a complete stranger. Luckily he had a good sense of humour about it and texts back: "no problem it's not every day i get random entertaining texts"

Upon further investigation, turns out M had gotten a new number two years before this texting happened. Like I said.... we usually only do email.

It's a good thing I actually don't know Michael or even live in the same city as him because otherwise it would have been REALLY embarrassing.

Un-Athleticism

Last night we were kicking the soccer ball around the back yard and now my toe is kind of swollen and really hurts this morning. So much so that I had to wear my ugly klunky comfortable shoes to work today. I am REALLY terrible and uncoordinated at things like sports.

It makes me laugh because Reinhard is so patient and tries to teach me how to do these things better. I told him it was training for him to teach our future kids how to kick balls around. He laughed and said he really hopes our kids are more coordinated and athletic than I am. Hahahahahahaha! It's especially funny because I can tell he's actually very concerned about it!

Did I get tele-transported to the 1950s?

On Friday I got home from work before my husband and the doorbell rings. I answer and it's the APX Security System salesman that I've seen walking around the neighborhood that week.

"Is the home-owner in?" he asks. "Uh-huh." I look expectantly at him for a few moments until I realize he's waiting for me to go get the owner. "It's me." I say and he gets all flustered as if he's never seen someone young owning a house before. But then before I can tell him I'm not interested he quickly launches into his spiel and I can't get a word in for a couple minutes until he asks me how many exterior doors I have. He's informed me that "exterior doors are the most common entry way for burglars to get into your house!" (WHAT??? NO Duh! Am I an idiot??)

"So how many exterior doors do you have?"

"Actually I'm going to stop you there because I'm not interested in your security system."

"Oh. Is it... Is it because your husband isn't home yet?"

I think to myself WTF!!

"NO, It's because I'm actually not interested in your security system. Not even a little bit"

"Oh. Well is there a time when I could come back again and speak to your husband?"

"No. I'm 99.9999% sure he is also not interested."

Huh? What year is it? I realize that I am a woman, but I am actually capable of making decisions. Seriously.

Snippy?

In my job, my coworkers and I tend to have to run after people to get information and sometimes people don't appreciate us all that much. Take for example the following response after reminding someone that they still hadn't send the required information requested on April 22nd:

"I apologize for the massive delay in getting you the data that you need to perform your job, we will shut-down and get on it right after the MANDATORY training that has been thrust upon us Monday. However, here in Cushing we do not hire staff that we do not have work for, and every one of us here has a full 40 hour plate of tasks every day. It is difficult, sometimes impossible to perform our task of keeping the DOT satisfied / pipeline running /attending mandatory meetings / training and then get to tasks that are beyond our job scope."

Tee hee. Snippy? I think maybe. I do of course feel bad for them as I know they are busy so maybe I will not yet point out that it is actually part of his job scope as the VP of Operations has made it part of his job performance review.

A list

I made a list of everyone that needs a new computer around here: Everyone.

HTH KTHXBAI!!!

Creating Noise

A: The good news is I didn’t get a ticket on the way to work.
M: ahahahahah
A: It’s hard to get a speeding ticket when you’re in bumper to bumper traffic, hitting every red light on the way to work.
M: yeah that's true. me too... I keep on being late to work. Everyone here shows up early and leaves late. It's so weird, it's like they like working or like their jobs.
A: Maybe it’s a cultural thing? :)
M: i guess huh? being German and all?
A: Yeah… you said, not me. A good work ethic is the backbone to a good economy.
M: HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAH... true true! I just helped someone play a CD in their computer. It's a good thing we have an IT person on staff!
A: You can play cd’s on the computer now???
M: no you can't actually, they don't have a cord to plug into the machine.
A: Oh, like a cord from the computer to the speakers, or that thin little cable that goes from the cd drive to the sound card?
M: a cd is just a round disc, there is no cable on it, you have to buy a cd adaptor at Future Store fyi. Until then you can't use it for anything but coasters.

Little Boy, Dumb Parents

I am all for unique children's names, but my goodness some take it a little far. In the doctor's office last week a five year old came in with his mother, who announced the name to the receptionist, who promptly replied "huh?"

The little guy piped up in a 'whoo-hoo-I-know-how-to-spell-my-name-now-that-I'm-almost-through-kindergarden' way "TALON. T-A-L-O-N!"

D-U-M-B P-A-R-E-N-T

Bull

I'm loading programs from a CNC machine in the back that we're selling off and I find:
program number: 6969
program description: ED'S COCK RING

Good grief. I am loading a bunch of nonsense into the database on the fileserver. Ed's at least 70 years old.









We make weird things like nipples and ball catchers, but I'm calling bullshit on program 6969.

You vant vaaatt???

Home Depot. A beautiful and competent Eastern European lady helping me in the paint department... she'd magically matched a colour I brought in from a stick I'd used to stir an old can of paint and I was stoked -- someone who could seriously help me! I had another can of old paint I sort of liked but had not enough of to do a whole room. So I asked her since she could match colour off a stir stick if she could also find a CIL brand-colour in her computer called "Prism White".

"You vant vaaatt colour?" in total confusion.
"Prism white. PRISM white" I attempted to enunciate very clearly, but to be honest it's a weird word.
Aghast: "PRISON??? PRISON VITE?"
"No! no! Prism, P-R-I-S-M"
"SM?? Em?? You sure?"
"Yes, P-R-I-S-M, a prism is a crystal that reflects light..."

Hahaha, but prison white would be awesome too...


Someone who did speak English did post this sign and of course it made me laugh to consider my rooms decorum.














But not as much as this boob light... it's a Madonna (circa 1980s) boob light!

10 things I don't like at all

1. Computers. My life now is one giant fail.
2. Painting. This is the worst of all the home fixing things I can think of.
   
3. Standing in steel toed boots all day.
4. Spam from people you know.
5. Exercise.
6. People with no common sense.
7. Economic recessions.
8. People with no small-talk social skills.
9. Cell phones when they drop calls.
10. PowerPoint (exception: if used in cases of irony.)
    

10 things I like a lot

1. Brussel sprouts
2. Sunshine
3. Cats
   
4. Spring
5. Cheese of any kind
   
6. Flowers
7. Yarn
8. Books
9. My Blackberry
10. Being the boss of everything
    

Also not ok

After dinner to pick up the cheque. I mean, to pick up the cheque while you're say "I can expense this!"

And you trust me for this??

So over the last year I have been the Project Lead for a new system at work that will greatly increase the speed at which we can provide two of our department's service offerings. It has recently been put into production which is super exciting for me because I designed it all from scratch. The concept, logic and design came out of my head which I then transferred to pieces of paper and gave off to people to build it for me.

Now it is in production and it is saving other people literally weeks of time on every project they do. That in itself makes me pretty happy. It's like seeing your child become both the smartest and most popular kid at school.

And then I think "Whoa, someone actually trusted me to directly influence how three-quarters of a million dollars is spent?!?!?"

It is not ok

• It is not ok to blame shyness on having absolutely no interest in other people and letting them talk for an hour and a half until they're completely hoarse and not only want to kill themselves but you first.
• It is not ok to blame shyness on having no coping strategy for making small talk with other adults who seem to have a lot in common with you.
• It is not ok to say "I don't drink coffee" when someone asks you if you want to go for coffee. (what are you, retarded? It's a conceptual metaphor! I don't care what you drink!)
• It is not ok to say "I work" when someone asks you what you do.
• It's not ok to follow that with "Downtown" or "In an office" when someone says "Oh I meant where do you work?"
• It's not ok to call someone 6 months after they have told you they are "too busy" to see if they have more free time now. Too busy, I'm washing my hair, I'm just not that into you = you suck, please drop dead.
  

Lunch

I know I probably shouldn't, but I find it terribly amusing that our department's director brings juice boxes for lunch. I wonder if he has a spiderman lunch box too!

Weird

I received a response from Shaw today that the CRTC ordered that each household phone line must be provided a white and a yellow pages. Thank you for being choosing Shaw, you can take up your complaint with the CRTC and with Yellow Pages directly.

Awesome! Yellow Pages site and 1-800 is totally not helpful (you can order another copy but not opt-out) and the CRTC just lists the order for everyone to get a white and yellow pages. Whereby and Whereas it has been Decreed in 1984 that everyone should love a personal copy of Ye Olde Telephone Directory.

I guess I am not the only person who is stymied from going green by old technology printers scared whitless for their jobs and of course, our favourite to hate: the Government.

I did my part, I emailed both the CRTC and Yellow Pages in protest. I think you should too.

Happy Earth Day!

On the Shaw website:

Making a difference for our planet today.
What are you doing to help?
Make a difference with Shaw on Earth Day April 22, 2009.

Here's what I submitted:

Dear Shaw Cable, I would like to make a difference with Shaw on Earth Day April 22, 2009 by protesting the fact that I received a yellow pages and a white from you this past month. I would like to opt out of receiving this archaic and bulky monstrosity which is deposited directly into the recycling anyway. Thank you.

Filed: in the trash

Some jerk walked in off the street to fill out a job application form which we don't do... We want resumes just like every other place.

Well, he had one.

But only one so our receptionist was going to take a copy and he said she should make him about five copies. What the hell!!? I told him that we'd take one copy for ourselves and he can copy them on his own if he needs others.

I don't care about the 5 cents it costs to print plus paper but if you're trying to get a job maybe you should be prepared to make a good impression?? Here's a tip: don't piss off the receptionist. Or me, if I'm standing nearby.

I made her file it alright.

Cyan

Called a supply company for a toner cartridge for a colour printer and the woman said "Which colour do you need, there's black, 'cai-anne', magenta and yellow."

I actually giggled out loud then started coughing to cover it up. Maybe she thinks cayenne and cyan are the same colour? Anyhow, I was ordering plain ol' black.

Is it home time??

i figured out how to look at the DHCP logs today.
i figured out how to link the AD to my firewall.
i guess I can go home now.

:brainfull: