Banana Guard

I need one of these!
http://www.bananaguard.com/

Keep yer ears warm!

Based on the fact that Canada is cold, my Grandma who is moving here on Monday let my sister know that we must go wig shopping for her, and get a nice warm, fluffy wig. She is afraid that the extreme cold winter will mean her head will get cold. In fact, she is afraid of any draft on her body, but especially on her head. Drafts -- that's what German Grannies worry about. A lot.

"Mach die tür zu! Es zieht!"

So far so good...
Actually, it's looking great. Ilona painted the ceiling and the walls. I did all the edging.

Life is so cool

This is possibly the funniest blog I've read ever. I don't think it's supposed to be funny, but it just is. Read the entry "She's Boyfriend" and "Chat 1" which contains Hello Kitty Chicks laughing "kkkkk!"

I got busted at work by Lisa for goofing off because I was laughing kkkkkk! in my cube.

Velcro

Marcella and Andrea and I overheard a conversation at the mall. It was odd that all three of us were listening in on it, and the best was that we all three burst out laughing, probably as long and as loudly as we have laughed in a good long while...

A man was pushing his wife in a wheelchair through The Bay lingerie section and remarked to her in a very loud, incredulous voice, as if what he was about to say was the next great invention or the solution to a worldwide problem "you know what? do you know what I just don't understand? I can't figure out how come they haven't made a bra yet that closes... with velcro!"

Granted: velcro is useful. Very useful. In fact, it's probably one of the top 20-or-so inventions of the 20th century. It's application though, however useful the invention is, has its limitations.

The New Mattress

This afternoon we had a mattress set delivered by two guys -- one was named Don who couldn't get enough of our house (just loved it) and his partner a little guy who didn't say a word. The little guy went to throw the plastic wrap into the truck while Marcella and I helped drag the old mattress to the stairs... and Don called out "hey! Marcello! Get in here!" We both went "hey!! Marcello?" and Don said "yeah, he's from Mexico. He wants to see snow -- so he came up here and he's not leaving until April next year, can you believe it??"

We introduced Marcello to Marcella and he pointed and laughed this funny little laugh and said "Ha ha, we could get married!"

Mr. Samosa Hut

The best places for East Indian food in Edmonton is on the southside, particularly in Millwoods, deep in the hood some where off the beaten path. I thought we'd pretty much discovered all the gems, but my sister and I drove past Danny Hacksaws Neighbourhood Pub 'n Grub the other day and noticed a tiny little stored called Mr. Samosa Hut. We figured it might be a nice Friday night take-out with our good friend Natalie and two Patrick Swayze movies from the late 80's. So the three of us wandered into this cute little place which had the most amazing buffet ever! Cute little tables, flowers everywhere, and great staff. Needless to say we got our samosas to stay, and ate our fill of the buffet besides. It's going to be our new favourite place. The naan was piping hot and fluffy enough to use as a pillow.

Bus reading

"... are these books really any good? Do they really say anything to us? Only the very immature and the very stupid are impressed by the depraved."

- from The Sunday Philosophy Club

(on why people read convicted murderers books)

Hat

http://www.notmartha.org/tomake/funnyhat.html
I want this hat!!

Gummy Bears

Two women on the bus today were in a loud discussion. It was minorly annoying until I started listening in on their conversation. It was "Things That Smell Like Gummy Bears."

So cute...

Patrick told me today that all men (or boys) need lots and lots of encouragement when they do positive things. Everyone wants to feel special, but especially males. Who knows why.

When he vacuums and his wife says "thank you" he tells her "I thought someone should vacuum. I didn't want it to be you." (for extra bonus points or just to be cute?)

When he unloads the dishwasher and his wife says "I appreciate your effort, thank you" he says "I thought someone should unload the dishwasher... I didn't want it to be you."

Birthdays

I am bad at remembering everyone's birthday. I refuse to feel bad about it. I can only think of so many important things in my life. If I remember them, then they should be happy.

I count on everyone to self-advertise their birthday if they want presents.

Speaking of which I have decided presents are a silly waste of money. I would be much happier if I could get everyone to keep their money for the birthday gift they'd buy me. Then they could take all that money (from the whole year of not buying other people presents) and buy themselves the big expensive gift they really want.

I would do the same. The outcome would be self-indulgent happy people, and the world would make sense once again!

The Organic Duck

Last night I went out for dinner with my friend to this tiny, trendy place on Whyte and had "The Organic Duck, with saskatoon berry glaze and a vegetable medley." The waiter kept referring to it as "The Organic Duck" as if "The Organic Duck" was its Proper Name.

Now in my memory I've never had duck before but I'm sure that a duck has the same bone structure and consistency of any other bird. I know it's quite a fatty bird, and has dark meat. I imagine it to be like the dark meat of a turkey. In any case, I am 99% sure that though it was tasty and delicious, it was not an Organic duck, nor any bird of any kind. I think it might have been lamb, but didn't taste as gamey as the lamb my Grams makes. It was medium rare, tough as a steak, and kind of light-pink. Super odd.

The waiter kept coming back to our table and asking "Ladies... and how is The Organic Duck?" And we were both like "Yum! Great!" too embarrassed to say "what are we really eating??"

It might have been a kitchen joke.

The Chef says to the waiter "Another organic duck? But we've only got one left! You'll have to tell the girls at table eight that we ran out of the special tonight."

"But that's so embarrassing! It's a Monday night, there's barely a handful of people in here... I know! Just prepare the lamb and I'll keep refering to it as The Organic Duck and they'll never tell the difference!" the waiter replies.

It really was good, whatever it was.

Sweatpants

Waiting for my sister in the car outside BestBuy on Saturday evening I watched this man and his wife enter the store. His wife was wearing a wrinkley windbreaker/sweatpants combo. He was wearing green sweatpants -- with cuffs.

Yes, green cuffed sweatpants. He also was wearing a long sleeved black shirt under a short sleeved black t-shirt. T-shirts tucked in. Into his pants. The afore-mentioned green sweats with cuffs.

While tucking in the shirt he probably thought to himself "this will make the whole outfit a little more dressy."

Alex in jail...

Bad Terrible Waste of Money

Don't go see The Constant Gardener. It was a great film, but a total waste of $15. Seriously, the documentary-style camera jiggling made me so ill that by half way through the movie I had to close my eyes or else I would have puked. Afterward my friend and I were going to go out for coffee -- we decided to take a rain check and we were both worried about how we were going to drive home.

I was a great film though. Well worth renting and viewing on the smallest screen you can find.

Notorious P-I-G

This is going to be the winning entry in the Garden Picture contest at work next week. I can just feel it.

Soup Stone

Maria makes borscht. Ingredients compliments of Patrick.

Lime & Mint

Mmm... fresh peppermint from Patrick's garden makes great peppermint tea. I like mine with a slice of lime.

This morning my brother saw the peppermint steeping and told me in a knowing voice "you can't make peppermint tea from fresh leaves. They have to be dried." Pffft!! HA! It doesn't turn dark and horrible tasting from fresh leaves -- is what I told him.

Close enough

On Tuesday afternoon, as I was leaving work, I nearly got run over in an intersection with five other people by this girl in a red VW Jetta who was yakking on a cell phone trying to turn right -- but trying to turn right quickly by speed around us. It's getting so bad you can hardly walk without getting run over in the city! So... I reached out and touched her. Seriously. I was close enough she nearly drove over my toes and the toes of the woman next to me. Luckily I was wearing my butt-kickin' boots.

I kicked the car so hard it left a mark, right behind the tire. Everyone else in the intersection cheered and someone said "That's right! You tell her!" She sped away. Too bad, otherwise she would have gotten a piece of my mind to go with that mark I left.

Random Worry of the Day

Quite often I have a random worry of the day. Usually it's cigarette ashes flying into my eye, or dried-flaked-off-pigeon-poo flying into my eye on a windy day.

Today I am worried about my wheels falling off my axel. Or rather, the other way around. I'm afraid that I'm missing some of the bolts that keep the body of the car attached to the wheels, and specifically that at some point I'm going to step on the brakes hard and the body of the car will keep going.