Office fun

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Erectile Dysfunction

First thing this morning I was putting away my knapsack and getting settled in my cube. I had my back turned as my boss popped her head into my cubicle and said "Your erectile dysfunction..." I turned around and loudly said "I do NOT have erectile dysfunction!" thinking "what the heck?" in my head. She had this funny shocked look on her face as she stared blankly at me. I heard stifled giggling from the cube next to mine.

Turns out she had said "THOSE erectile dysfunction..." and wanted to continue with "...spam emails we're getting are becoming more obscene" before I got all defensive. The lady in the cube next to mine had a great laugh at our expense this morning.

Overdone

You know what's overdone? The tiny little nose piercing on white girls. Every second girl has one.

What's underdone -- nose piercings on guys.

Thank-you for...

...making me laugh. I love funny things that store clerks say.

In the summer, while in a drug store in the States with my friend, we asked a clerk for some help. After providing it we thanked her very much for her trouble and she said "uh-huh!" in a high pitched voice instead of 'you're welcome.' It was very amusing to me. For the rest of the trip I mimicked her "uh-huh!"

Today in the dollar store we asked a clerk if they carried blow up pool toys like water wings, and she went "uh..." and looked like she was going to direct us to the right section of the store, but then she decided she had no idea and said "...ah, I don't get it."

"I don't get it." Instead of "what do you mean?" or "what?" or my favourite "huh?"

"Blow up stuff," we said, "for the pool, like crocodiles or sharks or water wings."

"Oh! No we don't have anything like that."

Gizoogle

This Gizoogle is so funny -- I think it's quite random, as every time I've checked it to have another closer look it seems to have new words and the first time Diana (who sent it to me) looked at it there weren't any swears...

The funniest is our work website, of course, which is legitimately drug and alcohol related. I nearly peed myself when it translated the "for women" section as "for bitchez".

What do you think she's saying?

Click to watch: T shirt folding

Sean think she's saying,

"Men are such jerks. They never do their laundry. Worse yet, they never fold their T-shirts. If even one man learns how to fold his T-shirts as a result of this tutorial video, the world will be a better place. It's probably too much to hope they'll learn to fold their T-shirts as neatly as I'm folding this one, but even a badly folded T-shirt is better than an unfolded T-shirt."

Both Tannis and Diana were like "oh I saw that on Martha Stewart the other day!"

Oh yeah!?

I was waiting to cross the street with Diana at lunch. A woman in a truck and on a cell phone nearly drove over about 20 of us who were all waiting to cross the street, obviously distracted, and not paying attention to the fact that she's driving downtown where there are a lot of people out due to the nice weather. We all stopped in our tracks and hoped we wouldn't be driven over -- I had been in midsentence and I grabbed Diana's arm and changed my sentence to "oh what is this IDIOT doing?" As I said IDIOT the woman looked up and saw all of us and stepped on her brakes and saw me say IDIOT...

She had stopped though, so we all walked on. When I got back to the office, Mike (former army guy who now works with us) had been coming across the street opposite us, said that the woman interrupted her phone call, rolled down her window and yelled some thing at my back. I didn't hear her due to traffic, but he said that he gave her a dressing down for being in the crosswalk, for being on a cell phone and for not watching for pedestrians. I'm not sure why I think that's so funny... I just do. If she swore at me and I had heard it I don't think I would have done anything.

I think Mike saw me the last time I nearly got run over when I kicked a car too.

That tingly feeling

Some days I get a pins-and-needles kind of feel in the back of my head. It's like my spidey-senses are tingling.

Maybe I have a tumor.

Chopstix are for Germans!

Tee hee!
http://www.randomshirts.com/productinfo/chopstix.htm

Tuque

Tuque is one of those quintessential Canadian words. No one really knows how to spell it. Outlook says: SEE Canada - accessories. Ha ha!

Today I won a tuque from yellowpencil, or rather, Brian won it and gave it to me. This guy Paul talked to us at the session today. He was interesting. Especially when I looked at his website.

Mush

I couldn't be mushy if you paid me -- unless I actually felt something for someone...

This was a crazy week. Yesterday afternoon a woman from our team popped into my cube and asked if I would be willing to copy 1 training video CD 100 times. It would help them out a lot. Usually they got IT to do the mundane task for them.

I let her know that we could but it would probably be more cost effective time and resources-wise to let a reproduction company copy the CDs.

In my head I was thinking "What?? Nonononoooo!! Never. Not in a million years! Just NO."

Stunned

Just this past week someone used the line "You might be my missing bone" in an attempt to hit on me. In the amount of time that it took me to process the statement and then process the fact that I'd just been hit on, the moment had past.

Sad really.

Someone else told me today that he thought the comment deserved a slap. Didn't think that it was appropriate to use the word "bone" in a pick up line with a woman.

Woo!

I now have sleep-related bruxism.

NOTE!! Full-moon on Saturday

I've been noticing the crazies since TUESDAY.

House

Conversation in lunchroom today:

J: "...what I really like and am looking for is a bungalow."
R: "oh yeah, what do you like about a bungalow?"
J: "well the fact that there aren't stairs, so you're not running up and downstairs all the time."
P: "or you could look at a bi-level."
J: "is that where there are stairs right at the entrance? yeah, those are nice too. maybe a bi-level."
T: "or a split, some are three- or four- or five-level splits, the flights of stairs are not whole flights."
J: "yeah, a split would be ok. Or a two-story is nice too."

Oh good J, glad we could help you, we finally narrowed down your search criteria to: HOUSE.

Smells like a stale pillow to me

Some people don't shower everyday. Some people claim that this helps their hair to stay shinier, and it's healthier for their bodies to not wash off the essential oils off their dry skin every day. "I can do it," they say, "My skin and hair look better, and I don't smell!" they claim.

If you are such a person, maybe YOU can't smell yourself -- but I can. You smell like stale pillow. Stale pillow on a good day, and stinky, rank garlic pillow on bad days.

I CAN SMELL YOU!

Chocolate Advents Calendars

I'm not sure if anyone else was as amused as I was by my chocolate (schlocklit, as my cousin Toby calls it) Advents Calendar which this year was WAWI brand.

Every door I opened didn't correspond with the picture on the chocolate hidden behind it. Rather, it corresponded inversely with the pictures displayed in the row that it came from. Make sense?

To explain: if I opened door 3, the right picture would have been behind door 2, and door 2's chocolate corresponded with 3. The 1 and the 4 pictures belonged to the other chocolate. Anyhow, nevermind, that's a poor explaination but it doesn't matter.

Imagine my surprise to open December 10th's door and to see a pair of dildos etched in chocolate, when it should have been Santa's face, and have to wait until Dec 24 to find out that it may in fact have been some weird... bowling thing.

Any ideas what it is??

Plastic Wrap

The house party I was at last night was hosted at an older couple's house because they had enough room for a chocolate fountain and foosball tables and air hockey tables, etc. At some point I noticed the family room tv remote control was covered in plastic wrap... "that's a little odd" I thought to myself.

I brought it up as an oddity in a conversation this morning with my cousin who said "oh, that's so that no crumbs get into the remote and also the plastic wrap will help keep the writing on the remote buttons, for play, rewind, etc."

I should have known better than to bring it up with the cousin that travels with her own flat sheets.