Pain in the Google

We ran a Google feature on our intranet homepage Nov 29 to encourage people to stop typing in www.google.ca or google.com or goggle.ocm into our search engine. It gave instructions for adding it to "Favourites" or as a link beside the address bar.

Before the feature
In November google (or similar) was searched a total of 144 times

The month after the feature
In December it was a total of 143 (yay! the feature was a success!)

Another month after the feature
In January it was 238. That's an increase of 71.22%. Everyone who works here took the blue pill and the MIB came and flashed their light.

not just full moon

Just looking for a HR form and it somewhat frustrating since they aren't in alphabetical order, even in their sub groups. Possibly this could be looked at. If possible. Please and thank you.

This woman picks my butt about once a week. Some weeks she misses out, so she doubles up the next week. She is always this friendly. Possibly. If Possible. Please. Because you web people are idiots.

Response:

Hi there! The forms are grouped into sub-sub groups (without any headings) within their sub groups -- for example, all the medical and dental forms are listed one after the other, all the volunteer forms are listed together, the commencement forms are listed in order to be completed, etc.

It is kind of a long list, but unfortunately this is the best solution for the page at present without making the page any longer.

Thanks for your email,
Maria

I'll save you what she wrote back. It wasn't very complimentary.

Templates are no fun

I got a super funny email from one of our writers today about a posting that had me in stitches... Then he showed up at my door to apologize. Apparently his supervisor was forwarded the email he sent me.

Not only is it the one-year anniversary of my employment, it is also the day we unveil on the intranet our brand-spanking-new templates. Few days can match the excitement of this one. In small African villages, tribesmen are jumping around for joy and banging on drums while their womanfolk shout at the sky. Meanwhile, a local mother just called her newborn baby Template to mark the occasion.

His supervisor told him to "get a life." A sense of humour is not appreciated here at work -- they attempt to remove it at the first sign you have one.

Naked Spammer

Subject line: I removed my coat, jumper, fleece and one of the two t-shirts I had been wearing.

Just a note from one of our spammers to let us know they are now naked.

Seriously: someone please stop the full moon

wacky email questions

In all seriousness, how do you reply to this message?

"I have some adult gravol suppositories with the code #(L) 0J107. I would appreciate it if you could let me know if these are still good or are they outdated."

Full moons bring on the wackiest emails to my account.

Search stats

Someone searched for "Plenty of Fish" on our intranet -- it's a FREE dating site. "Quantity over Quality" is their motto. (j/k!)

Or how about Gogle.ocm?
Or the Alberta Sherif, Sherrif, AB Sheriff?
Or Kwit? (Quit???)
Or Helping Kids Kick Butts? (I hope they mean cigarette butts)
Or Retirement Life Challenge?

Pirates

Our meetings are like any other meetings. Except we don't have coffee, food, or civilities. What's it like working with grown-ups? Here, we shout at each other all the time. Meetings with more than five people are impossible because you can't hear anything. No one ever listens to anyone else around here.

And swearing. People around my work swear like pirates. This is the only place I've ever been where admins drop the f-bomb numerous times while reporting to their supervisors and you refer to people with colourful adjectives.

Improve my software experience

Yesterday in the IT survey they asked what were the top 3 things that would improve my software experience here at work. My top recommendation was removing Comic Sans MS. Number two would be for HR to actually enforce the "must be computer literate" line in all job postings. The other thing to make me happy would be to let my supervisor save as much email as we want so my supervisor would stop crying about her inbox being full. I'm not sure how her inbox could fill up to 60MB every single week despite clearing out her sent and deleted items.

Still in hysterics

Yesterday someone was sent to apologize to my supervisor and I for her rude behaviour towards us during the previous week. Her excuse was "I'm sorry but my period was coming so I was especially crabby."

TOO MUCH INFORMATION!!!!

Hysterics

This hysterical woman who cannot seem to log into the government sites is becoming a pain in the a$$. The last few days I've been posting her stuff for her since she "sees a big blank screen" but hysterically told us she didn't have time to sort it out (Maria, she is important! don't you understand!?) so I had to do it for her. Yesterday I found out she didn't even try to log in, so the big blank she was seeing was in her imagination. Lying to my face about computer trouble... nice!

Today, since I was away from my desk my supervisor went over to her desk to see what she was doing wrong and got YELLED at for standing over her shoulder! She was so ticked off... and today's problem was that despite the fact that the system sent her a reminder to login and choose a new password she doesn't seem to think it applied to her... so her password expired today.

meeting request

Here's a meeting request I got yesterday that had me worried about the state of work's management:

"I hope most of you can make this. I could not book the room to concede with our meeting so I hope its Ok to go the next week. "

Huh?

While technically everything is spelled correctly, no bonus points were awarded for clarity or appropriate word usage. Points for originality though.

Knitting

I met a big burly guy in the knitting store on the weekend who taught himself to knit because he wanted an orange sweater. That is cool.

Pain in the scanner

So guess what I'm doing to earn my keep today? I'm scanning in old pictures of a manager for their retirement party and making the photos look good. (People in the 70s and 80s wore really ugly clothes, also had ugly hair cuts) I tell ya, I really feel like I'm "Making a Difference" (company tag line) today!

My scanner at work is from 1992. Half the time it works and half the time it doesn't.

I must also painfully note -- pictures that have been in a shoebox since 1977 may LOOK like they have no dust and scratches and thumbprints but even if you cannot see them with your naked eye, they are there.

1 photo = Staring at 12 men and 3 women for an hour and a half at 400% zoom. 2 system reboots, removed 1 large scratch right across the middle of the photo, removed what looks like fur, feathers and hair on black wide-leg-pant suits paired with hilarious skinny ties and for the women ugly shirt dresses with shoulder pads and wide belts, applied 2 fliters: despeckle & dust, removed 1 gigantic thumbprint.

Just wondering

Sometimes when I hate my job I wonder what it would be like to drive a bus or deliver mail for a living. I was thinking about that this morning, because I like to walk and sometimes I'd like a job that's as mindless as shovelling dirt. Being a postie would be ok 95% of the year.

Trains

In Germany, train stations are like obscure airports, and they are named variations on a theme for example "Bhf-Süd" "Bhf-Süd" and "Bhf-Süd". Where the first station is South, the next one is More South, and the next Even Further South. Even if you happen to manage to get off at the correct train station, finding the correct track in time to get on your next train may be nearly impossible as you have to find the correct underground tunnel that will lead you to the right track.

German trains (unless you're on a high speed track) end up being The Milk Run with heat or without heat.

They do have my sister's favourite game though: "Guess how long it's been since that person has showered."

Hours of fun!

Authority

A manager went on mat leave and the person who's taking over is an older lady who WAS quiet up until this point. With her as acting manager the noise in my office area has increased by 1000%. She shouts from her office instead of picking up the phone or emailing. Even standing right next to one of her peons she talks REALLY loudly at her employees. It's so weird.

She was a reasonable person until she was given some authority. Now she can only talk in a loud voice.

A year of buying a pack of cigarettes per day is like buying a brand new, 50-inch widescreen flat-panel TV! - corporate website

Does that mean that a 50-inch TV causes lung cancer and will turn my teeth yellow, 'cuz if it does, I don't think I want one....

Missing you

I decided to start posting again. I have three readers (the best people in my world!) that like to read what I write and I've let them down by not providing any new postings. It all was too much when I got two harrassing emails from the same person... maybe she's gone now and forgotten about this sweet fun site.