This may be my superpower

Mid-afternoon power outage throws the office into a disarray. I get up to go for a walk and there's people stuck in the elevators banging on the doors and people come out of the bathrooms all disoriented.

I say to the help desk: "Why is the internet not working!!"
Glares all around...
"Guys! 'Lighten' up, it's a joke!"

See what I did there?? When the power goes out I'm still really funny!

Collaboration

Working on a document with a special user and I send him instructions with pictures and arrows, and speech bubbles that say things like "Click here!" "Press next!"

I get back only one complaint:

At the bottom of page 6 is 'view this list' and 'amd' (hopefully you see what I am talking about.) what is amd?

I respond:

Haha, AMD: Administrative Maintenance of Doughnuts... (take a break here)
Just kidding! I have no idea... just a blip I guess. Must have been typing too fast to make any sense.

Disruptive

Someone is disturbing my train of thought on a beautiful Saturday afternoon by blasting Cher... there's only one solution! Blast some country to combat the caterwauling...

Yes, that's right, I like both kinds of music: country AND western!

The preponderance of good over evil-wordy-documents.

Burried in a wordy 60 page document I find this gem: "there are a preponderance of data management storage solutions"

To-do list:
look up "preponderance" so I can fake knowing what it means in the next meeting.

Ninja Stealth Fail.

Guy walking down the street with a full motorcycle helmet, no bike anywhere in sight.

Helmet says "Ninja" so maybe that's ok...

The falconer

AP: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-13407712

PL: CRAZY.
AP: I bet he’s a falconer.
PL: Probably, he's got the pants to do it.
AP: I wish I was a falconer.
PL: Step 1. Get a falcon
      Step 2. ?????
      Step 3. Get chicks & profit!
AP: I’ll work on number 1 first. I think there was a falcon flying around here recently..or maybe it was a pigeon – I’m no scientician.

Meeting minutes

Here are the take-aways from my last meeting:

• I'm sitting next to a woman wearing at least a can of hairspray on her head.
• Q: Why is she wearing that much hairspray?
  A: Side ponytail.
• Q: When is the last time a female should get away with wearing a side ponytail?
  A: Grade 6.

New employee

Occasionally we'll get a name that we can't pronounce or we may not be sure of the spelling. Today we asked: How do you pronounce your name? 

Brain.

No Pinky. Just Brain.
Braaaaaains!

A good skill to have

Arranging attractive meat and cheese platters. One of my few redeeming qualities.

Popsie!

My Grandmother used to call all soft drinks a combo of Pepsi and Pop: Popsie!

Ich bin ein Popsie trinker!

Harvest

Tomatoes off the vine are the awesomest.

Common questions

Some what unfortunately I moved away from the city I grew up in for a brief time. By brief, I guess I mean four or five years, give or take. Ever since that time kind acquaintances who see me at least at Easter and Christmas, in addition to weddings and funerals, repeatedly ask "do you still live in ...?" No. Not anymore. Not in the last seven years. Not for a long time. I suppose I'll be 100 and someone will run into me in the old folks home and say "I thought you moved!"

But I honestly don't know how it came to be that at family weddings and funerals I get asked "do you still have your vacuum cleaner and are you still enjoying using it?" Every opportunity, it seems, is a good opportunity to inquire if I still love my vacuum. Currently without a significant other, I worry about why people ask me about my vacuum cleaner. It's a vacuum cleaner. It vacuums. I would rather vacuum the house than do pretty much any other domestic task but it is a still a chore. As such, being equipped with a proper tool makes the chore less chore-like, and so I bought a decent vacuum which I do enjoy using.

I don't know what else to tell you, except that I have a Miele vacuum and it really is a good tool. It sucks (really well)! But a warning: if you get one, you might get asked about it until the end of time.

Tricky

I receive a request for a new battery. I purchase this battery and deliver it to the user's desk. User is incredulous and asks me: is this something I'm gonna be able to install all on my own??

Um yes. It's a battery.

Step one: remove old battery. 
Step two: insert new battery.
Step three: profit!

Best misspelling of the week

In a forum:
...my son became allergic to acrylics and curtain wool dyes...
Um yeah. "csss-urrr-tin." That looks about right.

And an awesome an argument between two colleagues about crullers from Tim Hortons.

How come you're calling it a crawler??
No, I'm saying cruller.
Yeah crawler! It's "cruel"er. Croooooooo-ler.
No way! Hooked on phonics: short u: crul-ler
There you go again you just said crawler.
No I said cruhl-ler. Listen carefully, cruller.
You say it funny. 

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/cruller

Peepee Teepee

On the highway between Canmore and Banff next to a construction site, a Pee Pee teepee. Well I assume there was a blue porta potti hiding inside since I didn't see any along that stretch of highway.

Things that rock

A local establishment let kids write their names on bricks in crayon which were used for decorating a wall... including one kid named "Hitler" it looks like.

Deerfoot Trail in Calgary this weekend

I guess the sign doesn't say anything.

How to fly a kite. As demonstrated by the little girls down the block.

Equipment Required:

1. A length of string
2. Plastic grocery bag
3. Wind (duh)

Procedure:

1. Tie opposite ends of the string to each grocery bag handle
2. Go outside
3. Let the wind fill up your kite!

Cutest and most imaginative thing I've seen! Who needs expensive toys?

SMS exchange

I'm wearing my underwear inside out today. Accidentally. The tag itches.

You know what's ghetto? Going to the bottle depot so I have lunch money.

A girl at the till has a tiny bear chain hanging out of her shirt, by pulling on it she just pulled an iFone out of her boobs. Keeping it classy at the Millwoods Mall!

haha, awesome, best mall ever! I dug a hole today.

Crazy. What did you put in the hole, your neighbours' dog I'm guessing.

I wish. So I had Alberta One Call come out to mark my property for the fence. I complained to my parents they only marked the gas line. They looked at me funny because I totally couldn't see the other markings. Boy, I'm colourblind.

Aahahahahahahaha! This impediment you have makes me laugh my head off. I am sorry for laughing but thanks so much for sharing!

My dad was like what's wrong with you?? Can't you see the lines painted on the grass?? Duh!

You could only see the yellow lines, awe! Seriously, I'm still laughing.

Aquanet SMS

PS to PL:

I got a new hairspray for

$1.99 and my head feels 

like a helmet!