Do you have a minute?

I love it when people say "do you have a minute to come to my desk to see something?" and they show me that their login has expired or account has been locked. And by love it, I mean it's not really something I need to see, since I can't fix it at your desk and since I can in fact fix it from MY desk where I was comfortably sitting and drinking my tea when you so rudely interrupted me.

Happily, I'm much getting better at saying "I'm not getting off my arse to come over there... what do you want?"

Annonymity

I'm pleased I'm still not findable.

Sir Spamalot

In my inbox:

Your bulge will be so noticeable you will have to wear a kilt.

hahahahahahhahahhahahahhahahaaaaa... this explains kilt wearing.

If you give a man a new photocopier Part II

If you give a man a new photocopier
chances are he will remember only a quarter of all that it can do,
but chances are he'll never remember how to do it on the new copier,
but chances are he'll remember exactly which 2 buttons did it on the old copier,
and chances are he'll hold it against you that now he can colour copy and do mixed media within the same batch, and collate and secure print or duplex scan images in full colour.

If you give a man a new photocopier,
well chances are you should just give up now because you'll never hear the end of it.

If you give a man a new photocopier

If you give a man a new photocopier,
chances are he'll use it for business purposes, but not often,
chances are he'll want to photocopy his ID, birth certificate and fax his insurance, and
chances are he'll have remembered nothing from the hour and a half introduction to the machine.
But after banging around the lid of the copier and kicking the equipment in the paper trays a few times you'll offer to show him how to use card shot and multi shot so he'll stop yelling and disrupting other people in the offices nearby.
If you show him how to use card shot and multi shot,
chances are he'll want to do it in full colour, and
chances are it'll take a few tries to get it right, and
chances are then finally he'll decide he could just scan himself the image in pdf.
If you show him how to use card shot and multi shot
chances are he'll just get the two mixed up anyway and you'll be back to the kicking and yelling and slamming.
So you'll offer to do it for him.
And chances are that's all he wanted in the first place.

Stupid jerk.

An overview and a summary.

I was sent a 80 page "overview" release document on the upgrade to the next version of a software we use. The "summary" was 193 pages.

It didn't have any pictures in it.

So I deleted it.

The internet.com is slow

Since Friday. This is somehow my fault, because I have been receiving calls about it even at home, where people have complained about low-seeded torrent files and ESSO pay-at-the-pump being unresponsive.

Turns out, at my shop, I'm sort of responsible for the internet being slow -- after 4 months in service our firewall logfiles were full (i.e. the internet was all bunged-up). Yup, we had a good purge and plunged out all that and now the internets are fast again!

Happy New Year!

What statue of limitations is there on saying Happy New Year? I thought surely the novelty has worn off by now... but no, sadly it has not. This is concerning for someone like me who often forgets the niceties in conversations, and especially in emails because I have a point and want to get to it before I forget why I'm emailing!

The plan:

The plan: picky eating as a form of weight control.

Man, I should write a book!!

That's gonna leave a mark

I ended up on the floor with my chair on top of me after trying to kick the cord of a dead printer out of the way and roll over it at the same time.

*ungeschickt* + headshake

I can't believe no one came running to rescue me, or at least point and laugh seeing as how the crash I produced was as loud as purposely throwing a chair against a wall... and we have cameras all over the office to catch just those sorts of moments!

>shhh!<

Disaster

After a happy week of cat-sitting we spent 15 minutes looking for the cat... calling to him and whistling and rattling his food. Finally we were searching with flashlights and ladders and looking in closets only to have the 4-year old say "what are you looking for? I put Turbo under the kitchen sink!"

Poor Turbo who, locked into a cupboard, didn't say a peep. Probably hoping not to be discovered so he wouldn't have to go home from his relaxing vacation!