Wrong number

I get a lot of wrong numbers so I don't usually answer the phone if I don't recognize the number. Today's gem:

"Hi, I saw your number posted in Dairy Queen and I'm moving next week, so I want to book you ASAP. Call me back please."

Posted on the bathroom stall? You might want to dial a little more carefully.

Common questions

Some what unfortunately I moved away from the city I grew up in for a brief time. By brief, I guess I mean four or five years, give or take. Ever since that time kind acquaintances who see me at least at Easter and Christmas, in addition to weddings and funerals, repeatedly ask "do you still live in ...?" No. Not anymore. Not in the last seven years. Not for a long time. I suppose I'll be 100 and someone will run into me in the old folks home and say "I thought you moved!"

But I honestly don't know how it came to be that at family weddings and funerals I get asked "do you still have your vacuum cleaner and are you still enjoying using it?" Every opportunity, it seems, is a good opportunity to inquire if I still love my vacuum. Currently without a significant other, I worry about why people ask me about my vacuum cleaner. It's a vacuum cleaner. It vacuums. I would rather vacuum the house than do pretty much any other domestic task but it is a still a chore. As such, being equipped with a proper tool makes the chore less chore-like, and so I bought a decent vacuum which I do enjoy using.

I don't know what else to tell you, except that I have a Miele vacuum and it really is a good tool. It sucks (really well)! But a warning: if you get one, you might get asked about it until the end of time.

PANIC (!!!!)

PHBs: Everybody quick!
We have emergency urgent things to do as quickly as possible so let's quickly start working and have things done by Sunday!

Peon: Ok, what do we have to do?

PHBs: I don't know. Scope hasn't been defined yet but we need to start working on it immediately as urgently as we can!!!

Peon: So, umm, if we don't know what is required then how are we supposed to provide anything useful?

PHBs: We need to anticipate the questions and provide the answers before we get the details of what is required.



Comment: You know the term 'Work smart'? I always thought that was a pretty common thing to do, but it turns out working stupid happens much more often.

Need printer

The guy who runs a little league out of his office & sends out massive amounts of email newsletters through our corporate email server and prints off colour flyers like it's going out of style asks:

do we have a copier around that's portable? would like to use at hockey registration.. nothing fancy... thanks.

I said no to this IT request. He was insistent he needs a copier AND printer in one, surely we could supply him with something portable. I asked him if he's seen anything portable he'd like to take home around our offices recently. (*maybe a fridge?) There is a place where they sell an all-in-one printer/copier units cheaply, it's called The Store. He told me he doesn't have time to go get a new printer, never mind get toner.


*apparently a fridge/freezer left unplugged and open to defrost was taken out of the offices. There was an announcement that who ever took the fridge to please bring it back. Someone returned the fridge and angrily pointed out that there was no note on it that said "do not take."

Because that is how we roll.

Coffee run counting fail

One sunny and slow summer afternoon a generous soul counts the number of people in the office, only four besides himself, and says "I'm going on a coffee run, my treat!" He takes down our drinks on a sheet of paper and drives 2 blocks to the coffee shop. When he comes back he hands out the four coffees according to his list and looks at his empty tray and goes: "whoops. I forgot to get one for myself."

Getting a handle on it...

At a housewarming party on Saturday afternoon, I got ice for my drink from the freezer door dispenser. What a handy invention! Unfortunately another guest had depth-perception issues or focus problems (think: googly-eyes) and as he reached to grab the fridge door handle he grabbed my love-handle instead.

Little-girl-shriek.
Spilled my drink on the floor.
Started uncontrollably giggling.
My sister & I had to leave shortly after that.