Emergency! Coming through!

I nearly got run over by a fire truck today as it was coming down the left lane of a one-way, three-lane 50 degree incline hill... at the light at the top of the hill the fire truck driver waved people coming towards him to turn off and continued careening, sirens blaring, down the hill.

...but like I said it's a one-way street and they were going the wrong way.

So I called a friend who happend to be driving that way to warn him... when he got to that point three minutes later they were watering trees with their fire hoses.

Guess the trees were a little dry and could have started a fire...

Torture by way of shower

I wonder why as adults we go to showers, or subject each other to showers. They are horrible. Baby showers, bridal showers, jack-n-jill showers... horrid, horrid, horrid.

Yes, I'm an adult. I can go to an awkward event where I don't know anyone, mix & mingle, bring a present as well as a fruit punch or appetizer and behave like a lady. But I don't know why I should feel obligated and guilty. And I don't know why my friends think I should be subjected to them.

Hanger? Hangar?

Many, many people at work saw it before I got involved. I didn't read the email very closely, but I did produce a great map of the airport with the words "Hangar #6" and an arrow pointing to building #6 on short notice by stealing it off the airports website and doing some PhotoShop magic.

Turns out most of our staff would hang up aircraft instead of parking them in a hangar. There was a request sent back to me that said "sorry to be so picky, but on the map could you please fix hangar to hanger."

Sure enough the memo they wanted to attach and the email both said "hanger." And they were angry about it when I looked it up for them in the dictionary.

Monitoring

I just rescued someone -- he claimed he'd changed his monitor setting to 1024 x 768 as we had instructed him to, but the entire screen would shift sideways. How odd!

When I went to check (because stuff like this usually has to be seen in person in order for me to understand as this never happens to 95% of the users I help) he had switched his view, but to 768 x 1024. Turns out that to his amazement (and mine), it is not the same thing.

Red Plague

Red Lobster has been a place I have avoided. I ate there this weekend, for the first and only time ever, and boy was it yuck.

I don't enjoy franchised food that is delivered to a restaurant for warming up. I don't think making a big corporation richer while their staff make minimum wage is the right thing to do. If I want to go out for food I would also prefer something tasty. I would also rather support an immigrant who will bend over backwards to be helpful and make my eating experience tasty.

But on Saturday to use up a gift certificate and to thank my sister for packing up all my stuff I relented. She wanted Red Lobster rather than Olive Garden. (another place I avoid like the plague)

First of all we had to wait for an hour -- this is baffling. It is not that good.
Second of all, the parking lot was filled with SK plates. Odd.
Thirdly the service was surly. Probably because the restaurant had been packed since sun-up.
Fourthly, I felt sick afterwards.

NEVER AGAIN!!! Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me!

Dating stories

I have this terrible personal theory of going out with pretty much any guy who asks. Within reason of course. At best I am out on a date drinking free coffee and will have a fabulous story to report later on, and at worst I will have a fabulous story to report later on. This theory has not brought me much success in dating.

As you might guess therefore most of the guys whom I've dated have made me feel like I am tiny, thin, smart, and wildly successful. If you imagine a 300 lb, 6 foot 5 inch, hairy man who lives at home with his momma, plays with trains and works at Tim Horton's, you wouldn't be far off.

not as smart as I look

I didn't own up to something today... something that would have made me not as smart as I look. It involved a beautiful picture of a gorge and me instantly saying "gorgeous!" without any intent for a pun. I beat a couple of smart guys to the pun and laughed like I intended it. It would have taken me a few more seconds to come up with something that clever except by sheer luck.

It has been suggested that my subconcious is smart enough to make that leap on its own... but I doubt it.

Smarty Pants

There is this guy who lives near my parents' who used to get on the bus looking like a hayseed. Sticking up hair looking like it was desperately slicked down, the worst case of buck teeth you've ever seen, white tube socks sticking into black runners and always pants that are too short. I feel a little sorry for him, for being just so geeky. I've never laugh at him just in case someone secretly thinks I'm a dork.

Because I do worry that my pants are too short and that someone is laughing at me behind my back. Like today, walking home from work. The back of one of my pant legs kept getting inside my shoe. Which would probably indicate that my pants were, in fact, too short. But you know what? My pants being too short means that my cuffs won't get muddy in this spring weather! So there.

Oh dear...

My friend has a 3-week old baby that scratched the side of his head and gave me the finger, much like his mother does when she doesn't like what I say.

Spam stinks

I wonder, if a person's email address were just a bunch of random and unusual letters like z x and y strung together, if as much spam would find your mailbox?

Invasion of the tall people

Ever think it's weird when you go somewhere and there are only tall people around? And you feel like a kid? Even if you're not? It might be a short person thing that only happens to me...

Frenches Toe

I have to speak my mind about Kraft orange plastic cheese slices again. On French Toast, orange plastic cheese slices rock. My mom made us French Toast this morning and it was amazing... having Friday mornings off is the best thing ever. I like my French Toast best with orange plastic cheese slices "melted" on top and drowned in maple syrup.

My grandmother that lives with my mom pronounces it "Frenches Toe" with a heavy German accent, which is just awesome!

Numbers

I'm not so good with numbers. People who know me, know that. What I am good at is keyboarding, well over 100 wpm without errors. Here's what I don't like: how come they made up the computer keyboard with a number pad that is exactly opposite from a telephone number pad?

Even though the telephone keypad has probably been around longer than the computer keyboard I would like to start a petition for phones to switch to the keyboard pattern. It just makes sense to standardize. And then I would be a phoning whiz, even if I never remember anyone's number.

Meat and cheese

Our church get-togethers were never potlucks; the old ladies would plan it all, purchase everything and recruit the youth group to butter bread. Once a year we'd have a conference and there'd be 200 loaves of bread to butter -- about 3.86 loaves per person which would be turned into open faced sandwiches. As Germans you could have a cheese sandwich or a meat sandwich. I always considered it was against our religion to eat meat and cheese together on the same sandwich. Later on in life (i.e. two years ago) a Russian friend pointed out to me the oddity of the situation... she figured it was because we're cheap. Your sandwich is already covered with one or the other; you don't need two toppings. That would be extravagant.

I still don't eat meat and cheese together.

Pizza

Pizza. "Sausage cake" is what my one grandmother used to call it. When she'd make it she decided dollops of sour cream would make it better. Right on top of the salami and cheese.

My other grandmother couldn't figure out why anyone would buy pizza sauce when ketchup was so much cheaper. Also when she'd run out of Kraft cheese slices (which don't melt by the way, and have this odd way of coating your teeth in yellow plastic-feeling coat of crap) she'd use dollops of cheese whiz.

Speaking of cheese whiz, I had NO idea it was WHIZ until about oh, 2003. I mentioned cheese wheeze (yes, it rhymes) at work once and someone thought I made a joke. It wasn't meant to be funny, I'd never read the bottle myself, and that's what my granny called it.

I heart Bananas

I really really really like bananas.
This was an interesting way to sell them.

New House pics

There are some new house pics up at Flickr -- check out the notes on the first picture! It's such a cool feature.

Bumper cars

Driving home from school one night this week I saw a car with a wooden bumper. It was a Sunfire. The wood was rounded off, strapped on with cords and covered the entire back of the car.

Sold 1 condo

I sold my condo on Saturday night. About 10 groups of people called/showed the place... got three offers. Where except in Alberta can things move that fast?

laugh it up now!

Some people have been laughing about my House. It's a real house... with lovely floral covers on the stove and seashell toilet seat covers. The seashell toilet seat covers match the lovely seashell shaped sinks.

Laugh now, it'll be as nice as the rest of the renovated house soon!!

Web email

Today's email gem:

No Smoking Coloring Pages for Gr 1 -4. May I suggest that someone look into this as it is a great learning tool for young children!

NEW!

I bought a house!! A sweet four bedroom, double garage house! Went to go look, liked it, wrote an offer and 9 hours later it is all MINE!!! Muahaaahahaha!!