The Survey

What are some of your personal goals in life?
I would like make possible cats and mice eat together. I think you understand what I mean.................

No. No, I really don't.

Erm...

"...so-and-so must be spinning in his cubicle when he hears about this security issue..."

Best line in The Bachelor tonight

On a scale of one to ten, I feel like i'm going to throw up...

Oh boy.

First and only sentence in the profile:

I don't go out to bars and I don't dance. I find them to be a complete waist of time.

First impression: you must be a really fun loving guy.

My driveway

I believe I have mentioned that I have pretty interesting neighbours. There's nothing that says wacky like getting a text in the middle of the night, waking you up, announcing that the family of four have had a family meeting about you pointing out that them driving out across their driveway onto the grass and onto your driveway makes it difficult to get the snowblower across the snow they're building up and packing down on your already shovelled and very neat and tidy driveway and that they're "...sorry for using your driveway, you are a great neighbour and we should respect your driveway. Thanks :)"

Thanks for waking me up to announce a successful WTFM. (White Trash Family Meeting or WTF! Meeting)

Hip Waders Guy says...

Guy in hip waders holding two fish. Possible connection with me? It's impossible at this point.

Oh wait! it gets worse:

Subject: a compalment jest wanted to say you look butefull ,you have a nice smile, worm and will coming !! I would love to know more about you !!

Hi there,
English must not be your first language?
What is your name?
Regards,
etc.

Yes English is my only language , I am a wilder by trade , but spilling is not my strong sute ! 

Listen... I'm pretty sure you're pulling my leg.