bump removal program

On the bus, at conferences, at work, I have been noticing more and more people have ugly bumps.

No, I'm not talking about the odd lumpy shapes people are in, but their moles.

No, I'm not talking about nice little beauty marks, I'm talking about scary-looking, bumps-on-top-bumps, odd-shaped, wrinkled-and-deformed, definitely-cancer-hiding BUMPS.

We need to start a bump removal program.

BJ & Shannon

Last year I started listening to country music full-time. Only because the radio station I liked had changed to a country music format. I tried to find a new station to listen to but I could not -- the morning radio show hosts on the other stations had inside jokes I did not understand, they were unfamiliar, they just did not feel right and so I started listening to country music exclusively in the mornings. A few weeks ago now, both hosts left and again I feel lost in the mornings. These new hosts also do not feel right, they also have jokes I do not understand, and are unfamiliar to me. I miss my old familiar morning radio friends.

Fueled by Chocolate

Tante Maria always tells me that in Russia the students at elite schools were given chocolate in order to fuel creativity and thinking.

It seems to be working in my course too. It's been powered almost exclusively by Moritz Icy Squares, with excellent results.

In My Next Life...

In this life I'm a woman. In my next life I'd like to come back as a bear.

When you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months.
I could deal with that.

Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid.
I could deal with that, too.

When you're a girl bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you're sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute cuddly cubs.
I could definitely deal with that.

If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too.
I could deal with that.

If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling.
He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.

Yup... gonna be a bear.

Rain, rain, go away!

It's been pouring cats and dogs all week, and I've been miserably sick the entire week. This afternoon it was even leaking into the bus. The bus should be a safe spot, but it is not.

Google rocks

My day of being sick and miserable and rained on was made better by a free pen and spiral bound Google notebook. Also for attending the Google seminar this morning they promised to send all attendees a set of free google speakers that got held up at customs. Maybe it was worthwhile getting out of bed this morning.

Everybody has a price...

I'm always confused when I see cars driving along that have permanent stickers in the windows that say: "For Sale ph# 555-1234."

I know everything is available at some price, but permanently for sale? Will the person sell his phone number with the vehicle so who ever buys it can keep it for sale too?

Sticks suck.

I really hate getting to the end of a popsicle and tasting wood.

Funny sign

On the way home on the bus I was the only one who burst out laughing at a sign on the side of the road in front of a games store that said:

End of Summer Sale!
POO TABLES

in my pants... lately.

...something felt funny, and tickley, right on my left knee.

Upon investigation a ladybug was firmly marching up my leg but only got as far as my knee before I noticed something was not right in my jeans.

Making a fire.

This is what my dad needs to build a fire:

1. Wood, not neccessarily chopped. Preferrably 2x4's.
2. Blowtorch.
3. Air compressor.

Whoosh!

Matches, kindling, newspaper and axes are for sissies.

Vitamins

On our camping trip Anita brought along her vitamins... they were Centrum brand, which just begged for some teasing.

"Relying on the science of centrum?"
She laughed and said "no I rely on the science of whatever's on sale."

Probably a good idea. I bought some multi-vitamins this morning and am leaving them on my desk at work. Maybe I won't fall apart when I am old(er) if I start now.

A very stupid question indeed

I always try to avoid answering stupid questions that people ask of me because I cannot keep the incredulity of "what a stupid question" out of my voice.

The sad part of my job is that people think the internet is magic. It is pretty cool but it is not magic.

it just seems useless...

...to have old people at work.

If that seems age-ist, well, then too bad. It just seems useless to have these people occupying space and trying to figure out how "these new-fangled computers work" and getting in the way of me actually getting some work done.

Nubbins

It's really sad to see a well-suited, well-heeled, good looking young man at 7:45 am downtown on his way to work chewing his fingernails down to nubbins as he's waiting for the light to change to cross the street.

Bible Stories

zefrank tells about Abraham.

Sorta shirtless in the park

A guy driving past me stared, veered and nearly tipped off his bicycle at lunch today as I was taking my shirt off... Hey, it was hot in the park! I still had a tank top on! I need some sun! He better watch where he's going...

All my dreams come true...

H&M IS COMING!!!
TO EDMONTON!!!

Opening Spring 2007

Think BIGGER

Last night, for no particular reason, I was feeling quite low but still realized that what I've got is better than 99% of the rest of the world. So I started off the day perky, determined to Think BIGGER. I was going to not let the weasels get me down. I was not going to sweat the small stuff. I was going to see the Big Picture.

But I did sweat the smelly stuff. I got annoyed while on Kitchen Duty for two minutes this afternoon and this is what happened to slip out of my head and onto the computer and into other people's mailboxes:

Please note: this week's kitchen slaves will not be scraping the food and cheese off, or washing the dishes currently located in or around the sink area. If you left your used dish unattended in the kitchen this afternoon, shame on you. Kitchen slaves tidy up, but do not wash the dishes.

You'll be happy to know that this week's kitchen slaves will be sorting out the fridge on Friday afternoon. Please make sure your food is not past the expiry date, or it will be tossed.

Yep.

I ended up with two "oh that was harsh!" and four "you tell 'em" and one "can you also get them to stop eating my lunch?" comments.

Cubicle etiquette

One of the questions on the latest intranet survey was "Is there any information that you think belongs on the Intranet?" We were trying to pick people's brains on what sorts of new information could be valuable to employees. One of the comments was "Cubicle etiquette."

I just wonder who wrote that and what exactly they meant. It might be a really funny piece.

Steel toed boots for work

Steel toed boots for work sounds like it wouldn't be much use in an office, but I'm a little clumsy when it comes to foot safety. There's been many times that I've opened doors and practically broken my toes off. Just last night I rolled the bottom drawer of a steel filing cabinet over my toe and ripped half the nail off. Yuck.

So, I'm going to get some steel toed boots for work. Watch out for me, next time I kick a car on the way home from work, I'll put my foot through it.

How to cheat at web stats

Every month I blindly slam into a wall of stupidity when I go through the web stats for our intranet search engine. My will to live is robbed.

It's an INTRANET.
Looks like the internet, but it's not.
Is. Inside. Firewall.
Google. Outside.

It's sad to know that 168 people searched our intranet to find google, basically using our search engine instead of a bookmark. We've got it set so that when the search engine finds zip, nada, nix, it tells you to try http://www.google.ca/ instead, then you click on the google link, and then type in your search. If they just bookmarked google like a smart person, they'd save themselves some typing and two clicks.

It's sad to know that a further 48 people searched for www.google.ca or www.google.com and still found nothing to click on. There is indeed no such thing as idiot-proof.

Also sad? The amount of misspellings. As an organization 75% comprised of counsellors, you'd think they'd know how to spell "counsellor." (note: I don't mean the American variation which I can understand...) As an organization that deals with addictions, you'd also wish that at some point they'd learn how to spell "addiction."

The best misspelling this month was con currant, which Sean thought meant felons with raisins.

That said, there are some smart people still around cheating the search engines. Legitimately driving up stats to their lame content. Pretty easy actually -- works on Google too. Every time you're going to visit a page, instead of remembering where it is or typing in the address, search it. Soon it becomes the top click for those search terms and becomes "popular content".

Creative Stapling

I am one of those people who likes things to be neat and square, but I'm not completely anal about things lying about or being messy. But creative stapling really bothers me... fanning four papers out and then stapling them somewhere in the middle, wow, that's annoying.

"Deserves Beatings"

On a truck on the way home...

"Go"
Oiler's
"Go"

Bank hold-up

Tonight I took my bike to the ABM drive-through at my local bank... it was super fun to see the look on a minivan drivers face when he pulled through what he thought was an empty line and got stuck behind me on my bike, tee hee!

Yep, and then I dropped my card right at the end and I cracked my head on the side of the ABM. Luckily, I was wearing my helmet.

I also almost swallowed 1 bug on my way home.

zefrank Funny

the show with zefrank: 08-02-06
"it's Run-out-of-clean-underwear-and-contemplate-how-much-mileage-you-can-get-out-of-an-empty-tank-of-gas Day"

Oh so funny.

More rocks (in my head)

Ah yes. More rocks and Sean, who is so funny...

________________________________________
From: Sean
Sent: Tuesday 11:31 AM
To: Webmaster
Subject: RE: Unity Content - Corporate Communications Team Content

Done. Check it out.

-----Original Message-----
From: Maria On Behalf Of Webmaster
Sent: Tuesday 1:33 PM
To: Sean
Subject: RE: Unity Content - Corporate Communications Team Content

Ah, that spam was probably me… copying from word. :) Thanks for fixing my lazy mistake!! You Rock!

Thanks dude, that page looks great! You Rock some more!!

P.S. I don’t mean anything by this but… Did you know rock means “skirt” in zee German?

________________________________________
From: Sean
Sent: Tuesday 1:34 PM
To: Webmaster
Subject: RE: Unity Content - Corporate Communications Team Content

Hmmm... so how do you say "rock" in German?

-----Original Message-----
From: Maria On Behalf Of Webmaster
Sent: Tuesday 1:35 PM
To: Sean
Subject: RE: Unity Content - Corporate Communications Team Content

Rrrrrrrrrock.

-----Original Message-----
From: Maria On Behalf Of Webmaster
Sent: Tuesday 1:35 PM
To: Sean
Subject: RE: Unity Content - Corporate Communications Team Content

D'oh! You didn’t mean pronounciation.

Rock = stein. Yep, as in Einstein.

________________________________________

From: Sean
Sent: Tuesday 1:37 PM
To: Webmaster
Subject: RE: Unity Content - Corporate Communications Team Content

So I guess calling myself "Doktor Rockenstein" would be kinda redundant, huh?
Too bad.

Darn.

"I've given up a lot of things in my life and kissing strangers is one of them. It would just go on and on. There's so many of them ." -Colin Farrell

I have a wonderfully pea-shaped head

I got a bunch of those elastics that go around the head like a hair band.

Unless I tuck my ears into it, there is no way to keep it from rolling back and popping off my perfectly round, pea-shaped head.

Take care!

I find saying "take care" very reassuring instead of "bye now." It's sort of final -- take care of yourself, because I will not be taking care of you.

Sunday evening

Alexis

Sunday afternoon

 

Sunday morning

Forest fire by Revelstoke

Saturday night

 

Friday night

 

In the dark

 

Victoria highlights

A sparrow joined us for lunch in the harbour. Canadian sparrows are much more civilized than Maui sparrows.
1879 Steinway

Goldstream camp

 

Out for dinner

 

Goldstream Falls

Another walk through the woods.

On the way out of the campground we passed naked little Annamarie, one of the highlights of the day. 

Cold 'nuff for ya?

Sooke Potholes 

Second Night

Footprints at China Beach 

Botannical Beach

 

The woods

 

Walking in the woods

Botany Bay.

"Aah, die luft so klar und rein!"

"Do you hear something rustling over there? Is it a bear?"
"Um... maybe we should make some noise."
"Ok. VATER, wir danken DIR, VaaateRRR, wir DANKEN dir, Vaaaaater im HI-I-I-I-MMEL, wir danken dir!!" 

300,000 Mile House

A moment with my car. 

Morning tea

French Beach

Odd

In the middle of the forest? 

First night

At French Beach 

Later that night... Gold Bären

Can't waste them.

Anita The Amazing

I made a fire. But look at what Anita made! Yum! 

And we're off!

Found matching fleeces at MEC which was quite fortuitous and Anita also found a quarter.

A very lucky day.