Eeyore

A minor power blip at lunch left the lights off throughout the building but the UPS saved the server, so everyone continued working right where they had left off. Everyone that is except an Eeyore. I restarted his computer and saw that it was having difficultly connecting to the network -- after unplugging a few things, plugging them back in and restarting his computer I asked him to log in again.

"What's the point? I don't think that will have fixed anything."

WHAT? FINE. So I logged in, and it connected in seconds. Turns out, it fixed everything.

This is because I am amazing!! Thank you, thank you verrrry much!

TMI

"I just thought I'd let you know that my mouse wasn't working so I rebooted my computer."
"Is it working now?"
"Yes. I just thought you should know I rebooted."
"Oh. Okay thanks." ... I think.

Suspicious activities

I went shopping on Tuesday for weddings this summer. I found two dresses at a boutique in The Mall. On my way home from work yesterday I purchased gasoline, but grabbed a different credit card out of my wallet to buy gas (less points, my mistake). By the time I turned out of the gas station and had driven 2 blocks the bank was calling my cellphone to confirm several unusual transactions. After confirming my identity they asked me about the most recent transaction. I said: "Probably 2 minutes ago, at the gas station?" "Yes. And how about the one before that, also an unusual purchase..."

I couldn't remember but when she said "Natasha's Passion?" I was like "IT'S A DRESS SHOP!!"

Peepee Teepee

On the highway between Canmore and Banff next to a construction site, a Pee Pee teepee. Well I assume there was a blue porta potti hiding inside since I didn't see any along that stretch of highway.

My PC has been upgraded to 250 HP.

A colleague stopped by my office to remark he had noticed I have a fair number of "spare parts" computers. He asked me what I was going to use them for and if he could have a spare motor, if there was one available.

A motor.
In a PC.

I work with computers, so sometimes I have a hard time gauging people, but I can't be certain he was joking.

Things that rock

A local establishment let kids write their names on bricks in crayon which were used for decorating a wall... including one kid named "Hitler" it looks like.

Deerfoot Trail in Calgary this weekend

I guess the sign doesn't say anything.

First!

First thing, first coffee, first email:

Good Morning, Two things

1. The door at the back is not working again 
2. I can not open certain docs being sent regarding Adobe Reader Can you help this?

I especially loved the ESL desparation in the last line. He speaks English. It doesn't sound like it.

In charge of batteries, common sense, and catastrophies.

Universally people don't love to be responsible for themselves or their actions. Equally true is the fact that everyone needs to be right. This evokes mental distress to the point of physical pain for me on a daily basis.

Example one - Laziness:
User: I brought you my laptop to fix on Friday but I didn't bring it out of the car.
Me: Did you bring it with you today?
User: No.
Me: Ok well try to bring it with you tomorrow.
User: Maybe you can buy me a car charger so I can do my work in my car. On my laptop.
Me incredulous: There isn't internet in your car.
User: No, ha ha, but I could send you out there to fix the laptop.
Me: >:(

Example two - Computers are too complex. There are too many buttons. Too much clicking:
User: The photocopier says "BROADCASTING"
Me: So?
User: It never says broadcasting. It also says "Waiting." It never says waiting.
Me: It looks like there is a large job ahead of your job so it's waiting in queue. Let's look at the details of your job to find out why it says broadcast -- oh look, it's being sent to an email and a fax address.
User: No the copier is wrong. It should just be email.
Me: Well that's strange, I wonder how it decided to send it to two addresses?
User: I selected their fax number first, but changed my mind and then pressed the email address.
Me: But you see how that selects 2 destinations? Fax first and then email? Either clear all the accidental selections by using the CLEAR ALL button, or de-select the wrong address and then select the correct address.
User: Why can't it just read my mind?

Example three - This thing won't work. You provided this thing. Therefore it is your fault:
User: I can't make this work, it is falling apart.
Me: You clearly have broken this thing. It looks like you purposefully have used it in an improper manner and/or drop-kicked it.
User: You bought me a bad thing. You should get me a better one.
Me: >:(

Example four - Define catastrophe.
User: I cannot print. I can never print!
Me: You printed yesterday just fine. Here is an error message "Error: Cannot print document." It looks like there are a lot of printing jobs that you started after one that failed. Did you get mad and press print 14 times?
User: You bought me a crappy printer! You should buy me a better one.
Me: This is a good printer. I will restart the printing. See, now it is printing just fine.
User: You bought me a bad printer. You should get me a better one. I consider not being able to print a catastrophe.
Me incredulous: A catastrophe? We have many other printers. Maybe it is an inconvenience to walk 20 steps to the next printer, but this is not a catastrophe.