Exactly what is wrong with you?

My classes are overfilled with international students, some of which speak English fairly well but most speak very poorly and have minimal comprehension. Being a fairly strong student I normally get lumped into groups with the strugglers. Teachers hope that being such a joy to have in class means I'll take it easy and explain a few things the slower ones can't grasp. One such particular bright light has been in an ongoing group project with me. I'm slowly starting to get sick of him as he talks really sl-ow-ly and shows no signs of improving his language skills.

When he asks "what does documentation mean?" I explain it, he argues and tells me what he thinks it means instead. Then we have this long discussion on what I say it really means and I finally tell him to look it up in the dictionary where by he finally grasps my exasperation and says that we'll go with my definition since I'm a native speaker but he still doubts what I said. Fine! Doubt away! As long as we're going with my definition... I don't really care!

His jumps in logic are immensely difficult for someone like me to grasp, a discussion about the impact our project would have on a business launched a discussion on how important he thinks recycling batteries is and how our project should incorporate battery recycling. While battery recycling is important, our project is IT related and not much in an IT shop runs on batteries... excepting maybe a flashlight or two in case of power outages.

So then on Monday we're discussing odd interview questions such as "if you were a piece of lettuce in a salad and were stabbed and about to get eaten what would you do?" The instructor loves those kinds of questions and said she would ask each one of us which kind of book we could be and which kind of animal we would be, starting with my little friend. Excitedly he exclaimed he would like to be a dog. "Why would you want to be a dog? What kind of characteristics does a dog have that would be important for you to have in a job setting?" "Because I like the dog!" Ok, so now you see my problem.

Continuing the instructor asked, "Not just because you like dogs but what kinds of characteristics or traits does a dog have that you can apply to yourself in a job setting?"

"Umm.... uhm... I dunno. Maybe in...? in...? ins...? inss...?"

I piped up "Instinct? Are you thinking of instinct?" I hadn't thought of instinct, but that is a good trait. The teacher thought so too "oh wow," she exclaimed "insinct, dogs have instinct! Very good! Now what else?"

"NO! Not instinct! Not instinct! Ins... in... how do you say it? ins... ins...?"

The teacher lost interest in what had turned into a painful exercise and moved on. I however got a post-it note shoved into my face and he stage-whispered "how you say this word??"

Insane

"Insane? You think dogs are insane?!!" WHUT? Granted, some dogs might be. Generally though puppies are loyal, friendly, helpful, and lovable. There are a few parts of this exercise this guy didn't pick up on: the fact that this was an interview question, that you'd normally try to put your best foot forward, that in Canada most people generally like dogs.

Office 2007 Training

From my sister:

Just had an orientation training session. The instructor, who has a long reddish/blond pony tail and a twirled handle bar moustache began with: "You will experience the full gamut of human emotion. You have paid for the entire seat, but you will only need the edge."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

The gift that keeps taking...

M: "I'm in home outfitters buying a wedding present. If the marriage doesn't last the year will they give me the toaster back?"
A: "Oh probably, so buy a nice one!"
M: "But I already have a toaster! I don't need another one!"
A: "Hmm... that's a problem."
M: "How about I buy them an electric toothbrush?"
A: "See the problem with that is batteries. I have one and it requires new batteries every couple of months. It's the gift that keeps taking..."
M: "Perfect!"

Baloo the bear

On my way to school after work I drive through a neighbourhood across the river from downtown that is a good neighbourhood, but getting older. Generally it's yuppie type couples and university students in this area, with a few staunch older folk holding out in their own homes.

Today on my way I was stopped at a very long light and noticed a guy, might have been drunk, passed out across the street at the lamp post -- either passed out or sleeping on the grass. While I'm waiting for the light he stands up to the best of his ability and realizes there are five lanes of traffic intersecting that he could be entertaining. This particular intersection and that particular lamp post he was leaning up against had a crosswalk button, a big yellow button the size of a fist... I forgot to mention that this guy had taken off his shirt and was waving it around like a flag to draw more attention to himself than a half-naked, wobbly-on-his-feet-guy normally would receive at half-past four in rush-hour traffic. After sufficient attention was drawn he turned his back on the big yellow button and... scratched his back up and down the way Baloo the Bear did in The Jungle Book. I could hear the laughter pouring from many car windows.

Here's a tip for all of us: never, never press the cross-walk button with your fingers.

The techs are on it

In the hallway: four computer tech people huddled around a fax machine wondering why it won't go or if it already did. Fax machines aren't really their thing after all, so they're nervously standing about clicking their pens click-click-clickety-click...

SARS

My favourite part of yesterday was when someone who had just returned from a vacation was standing in the door way of our pod going "I just haven't got words for how amazing it was, I just haven't got words for how beautiful it was, I just haven't got words for how awesome an adventure it was, I just haven't got words for how lovely the people are, I just haven't got words for how wonderful the hotel was, I just haven't got words for..."

For an hour we heard her chatting up and down our side of the building about how she just didn't have the words! Today she is out sick with a sore throat. I think she might have SARS.

The battle continues

Pod Life Update: Amazingly the topics that came up today were: religion, catholic "brainwashing", private school, war (the war, the only war of course), and someone inadvertently bringing up not only Obama and Iraq and famous American speeches in Berlin, Slavic countries and virtues of communism, and being surrounded (or under siege) by Germans. Despite all that we only had one skirmish in the pod, and I am not even sure we can count it as a real skirmish as M bit his tongue and said "I'M BITING MY TONGUE! I'M BITING MY TONGUE!" I am fairly certain that counts as one skirmish, narrowly avoided.

Pod life

I thought M's head was going to explode twice this morning. We're going to have to get the Admin to requisition some masking tape so we can quarter up the pod... it's like this: P's moving in this afternoon and he visited us (particularly M) twice this morning. Both times before he left he fires off a parting shot of "insert some random facts here" and "you should look it up." At lunch on the way out past our pod he says to me "Berlin is actually a city of Slavic descent. You should look it up."

Particularly weird: everything ends in some sort of soapbox opinion. We were talking about home renovations and it practically ended in fisticuffs.

Pod life just got a lot more interesting this afternoon!

Bad behaviour

Here's what I hate: people who use pregnancy to excuse their (what I observe to be their normal & what I consider to be bad) behaviour. I have to admit that I disrespect people who have food issues as a regular philosophy, however if someone normally is finicky and picky and particular and complains regularly to wait-staff, imho it is inexcusable to blame your behaviour on the fact that you're pregnant.

If you normally order half hot chocolate/half coffee at Tim's and go back to complain about the ratio of hot chocolate to coffee on a regular basis, being pregnant doesn't mean you get to go back to the staff and complain about the ratio AND be rude about it.

If you normally ask for a plain multigrain bagel with butter on the side and get either a plain or a multigrain bagel, already buttered, you might consider refining your request to: A multigrain bagel, nothing on it, because clearly you have a communication problem. Then ask for some butter and a knife, because clearly no one can butter toast the way you do. You're special dammit!

Leaving out the words PLAIN and butter in your instructions will help clear up many things for staff while they're already bewildered by the fact that someone drinks hot chocolate with coffee in it! Or worse yet, coffee with hot chocolate in it! Dammit! But don't say "dammit, I'm pregnant and I deserve to get exactly what I want!" because dammit, you ALWAYS get what you want, you big baby!

Dammit!! All this before my first coffee? Seriously?? Stop introducing observable stress into my life!!

Hahah new show

Dr. Horrible

Slurpees

Someone told me that Macs has the best slurpess because they have Crystal Light raspberry slurpees so they don't have any calories. I was like "seriously? do you know you're a girl?"

Except for, you know, all the sugar.

Dressing up

J: You have to dress up for work? Like how dressed up? I have jeans and a sweater on today but I'd rather be more comfortable at home.

M: Yeah we dress up. Business casual. There is a really long list of what is not appropriate. We're pretty much what I would call full business dress except men in our building aren't always required to wear suit jackets. And we have a lady who is like the clothing police, she will pull you aside and not nicely tell you what you're wearing wrong. They proudly told me in my interview that they have casual Fridays "where you can feel at home!" neglecting to tell me that it's ONE Friday a month and you are allowed to choose to wear jeans without holes, stains, etc requirements, etc requirements, but ONLY with the appropriately logoed shirt. One shirt looks like a gas meter reader's shirt. Then there are a few more that are bright horrific blue, orange, yellow and green polo shirts. "Feel at home? Listen, if I felt at home I'd take my pants off and throw them on the floor."

J: Yah exactly, that sounds more like uniform day to me. If it was feel at home day I'd be naked eating a bowl of ice cream and the rest of you sure as hell wouldnt be there blocking the sweet tanning rays.

"hullo, I would like to renew a license to wear old spice..."

I would like to tell you what they use to keep track of all the work at my new job, all the design/construction documents and any emails about checking in/out source code. It is: Lotus_freaking_NOTES.

"Welcome to 1988! Lookit: We have a computer!"

Sappy post

So to clarify the bunny scratching/peeing from the last posts: normally my bunny was really really sweet, he just really didn't like getting picked up, which is why he'd kick up a fuss every time I had to put him back into his cage. Outside of being happy and "marking" his people and things he was really fun to have zipping around.

Usually I'd get a picture of him like this:

Followed by a picture like this:

And if I was lucky one like this:

Sadly he was at the Vet on Friday to get neutered. I was hopeful it would stop some of his marking behaviour, but his little heart stopped while he was under anaesthetic. Rabbits are fairly fragile little things... which is why there are so many of them, I guess. I'm going to miss the little bugger. I hope someone shaves carrots for him the way he likes where ever he is.

Trading up!

I traded a drafting table (I got from a friend for free) for a snowblower (that needs a little tune-up)! Yay no more shovelling next winter!

Today. So far, so good.

Saturday: fell down the stairs, got scratched by my bunny, got bit by my bunny
Yesterday: i got scratched by my bunny, fell down a bank, accidentally fell in the creek, got peed on by my bunny
Today, so far: cut my finger opening a sugar dispenser at the coffee station

I'm your best date ever

I turn up late due to bunny peeing on me before I leave. We go for a walk in the ravine but I wipe out and slip down a muddy hill and bruise my bottom never mind get totally muddy. I attempt to jump the creek and determine that it is deeper than it looks, way deeper. Deeper than my knees for sure, but not quite waist high. Eventually I squish my way home.

Oh yeah, he'll be calling me again, for sure!