Frankenstein, Vampire, Cookie monster?

From my sister's phone I get this text:

So R wants to know if u had realized that you have now gone on dates with both frankenstein and a vampire. hes keeping an eye out for the cookie monster for u just in case

Ha ha, me love cookie!

Don't men count??

This just in:

I notice on your website there is "information" for: special groups, professionals, parents, teachers, women, employers, youth, and aboriginal people. Quoting your own demographic survey statistics that men accounted for over 60% of your clients, where is the "information" just for men? I find this glaring omission sexist and undemocratic. Don't men count?

You think this is a man emailing us?? Nope! Sexist and undemocratic? It's a woman. From her work email. So I looked her up on the online staff directory -- Faculty of Medicine.

Baffling.

No Mail

There are people who never update their address list... but insist on snail mailing everything. Certain people realize that you've moved and get your new street address but continue to post everything with your new street address to your old city. Or a combination of your last three postal codes, cities and street addresses. Then they email you to confirm your address.

Maybe it's time to move into the electronic age and send your letter via email... since you're already on the computer box thing, you might save some time and 2 or 3 x 52 cents.

Have you seen the Bachelor show with women in their 40s competing against women in their 20s? They put a 30 year old tennis pro in this situation. He has had a lot of fun with the smart, successful, pretty 40 year olds even though some of them are old enough to be his mother, which is creepy weird. He's had uncomfortable silences with the 20 year olds though he admired their bodies and found it hard to keep his eyes focused on their faces. It's a Monday night study in awkward social interaction!

Kind of like the date I went on... half an hour before we were to meet he called me up and asked if he could bring his friend along. It turned out to be one of those kinds of dates -- a waste of time, but I laughed so hard and came away thinking it wasn't a complete waste of an evening. It was a set up of my sister's home inspector and me, and his friend Tim. Or Mike. I'm not sure what his name was but he was just out of jail. One of the first things I found out about the guy I was supposed to be on a date with is that he likes wolves and wants one as a pet. Or a wolf-dog, whichever really. And he likes to read. Mostly Anne Rice books, like 20 times over. And his favourite movie is The Secret. He wishes he were a vampire and that he could do magic. At some point he said "sometimes when I laugh hard I spit on myself". Quite frankly I have not laughed so hard on a date in a long time... it was really good that Tim or Mike was along to fill in the conversation and surprisingly I had a really good time.

And this is why I go out on dates. The best stories ever. I could never make this stuff up.

Blue not a Berry

My grandma used to freeze blocks of blueberries and raspberries and use them as ice cubes in punch... once I had a really juicy fat one stuck at the bottom of my glass, but when I tried biting it, it was kind of woody tasting. I was brought up that one never ever takes food out of one's mouth if it tastes funny, you just swallow it with a lot of water, but alas, no juice and no water in sight -- so I spat it out on my plate. It turned out to be a blue caterpillar, one of the fuzzy kinds, rolled up. Then I ate some soap. I have never ever stuck a caterpillar in my mouth again.

Pain in the HR

Our HR department hasn't got a clue. I like how for an admin position they say things like: Grade 12 diploma, supplemented by related courses and extensive experience with Windows 2000, Microsoft Office 2000, and the Internet are required when in reality they let anyone in. "Have you computer experience? No? But you know what a computer is and heard of the internet? No? But you *have* used a typewriter or pencil before? Well, no matter, it's not like rocket science, ha ha! Now how about the telephone, have you heard of this -- you press some numbers and hold a device to your head and hear voices...? No? Well, I'm sure you're a fast learner, no worries!"

The Long Light

About half of my commute is spent waiting at this light.

Who needs friends when you have enemies?

The Importance of Being Hated
In this golden age of enmity, friends are for suckers. What you need are a pair of well-chosen foes.
by Chuck Klosterman