Brain problems.

Things I've said today that sound just-plain-wrong:

"...I can't take a dump yet!"
Meaning... I can't take an extract of the data from the database. Yet. 
The person I was talking to looked like: O_O

"...do I need to do a re-flush?" I was talking to an exceedingly cute guy with freckles and I mixed an ipconfig /flush with a dns restart.

I need to get a really good night's sleep without any rain, thunder or lightning.

Don't forget the warranty! No Srsly. Don't Forget It.

I went to a store today at lunch to buy batteries.

After requiring help to find the battery I needed because I dyslexically remembered CR 2320 instead of CR 2032 the following conversation between myself and the salesman ensues.

Shifty Salesman: "Let me ask you something..."

Myself: "Ok...."

Shifty Salesman: "How long did your previous battery last?"

Myself: "Oh I dunno, 2 or 3 or 4 years?" (batteries for my bathroom scale... definitely not a high use item...)

Shifty Salesman: "No, how long, really??"

Myself: " Umm... 3 maybe 2?"

Shifty Salesman: "Well, let me tell you what I can offer you. For just $1.50 each I can offer you a 3 year warranty on a battery like this."

Myself: *In head* "for a $5 battery?" *Out loud* "No, thanks I think I'll pass"

Shifty Salesman: "No, you don't understand. For only $1.50 each you will actually get TWO new batteries if one of these batteries dies before 3 years. It's an amazing deal."

Myself: *Out loud* "No really, I'm actually good. I'll just get the batteries." *In head* "If I get two replacements for each died battery, why would I buy the warranty twice?"

Shifty Salesman: "Well, I guess I can only show you the road...."

Myself: *In head* "WEEEEEIIIIIRRRDDOO!" Out loud "Yeah, I guess so...."

Tricky

I receive a request for a new battery. I purchase this battery and deliver it to the user's desk. User is incredulous and asks me: is this something I'm gonna be able to install all on my own??

Um yes. It's a battery.

Step one: remove old battery. 
Step two: insert new battery.
Step three: profit!

Best misspelling of the week

In a forum:
...my son became allergic to acrylics and curtain wool dyes...
Um yeah. "csss-urrr-tin." That looks about right.

And an awesome an argument between two colleagues about crullers from Tim Hortons.

How come you're calling it a crawler??
No, I'm saying cruller.
Yeah crawler! It's "cruel"er. Croooooooo-ler.
No way! Hooked on phonics: short u: crul-ler
There you go again you just said crawler.
No I said cruhl-ler. Listen carefully, cruller.
You say it funny. 

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/cruller

Sounds familiar

User 1: I have no sound at all in my left speaker! Moreover and importantly when I watch youtube I have no sound in my left speaker. Halp!

Me: Did you try rebooting?

U1: No, I don't think that would help, it most certainly would be a motherboard issue.

Me: If you didn't try rebooting did you at least try a different set of speakers?

U1: Yes but I still had no sound in my left speaker so listen, it's clearly an issue bigger than that.

U2 from down the hall: Speaking of sound issues, ever since, well I can't remember since when, I have no sound either! Maybe it's a server issue.

U1: Oooh, could be! That new server is such a pain!

Me: No, stop it. It's not a server issue!

reboot User 1 computer, problem solved

check User 2 task bar and find sound muted, problem sovled

U1: Oh.
U2: Oh.

I read a book!

Yesterday I read two books, something I haven't done in a very very long time. I used to read like a fiend, anything and everything I could get my hands on but in the last few years being a (more or less) responsible adult (ha ha!) has diverted my attention from reading every spare minute I could. There's laundry! And grass! And never-ending weeds! And dishes... and the folding of laundry... and well, the cleaning of ALL THE THINGS.

Nevertheless I sat down on Sunday afternoon and read, count 'em, one two! TWO whole books. I was very excited. The second book is a "classic". I was stoked, I was going to catch up on something everyone but I had to read in high school! Page eight, I started to laugh as he explained how someone was picking their nose and making it look like they were just pinching/scratching, but in reality we all know they are digging. Ha! we've all seen that, so this book might be awesomely relevant! Page 12 more relevance! I can't believe Ms. H never made us read this back when I was a teen! It would have been relevant!

Page 13. I begin to notice random italicization. Some random words, but even random syllables! Did the author do this or is it a typesetter problem? Do they expect me to believe the narrator speaks randomly like this?

It's written in a narrative style, so half the paragraphs start with "so anyway..." And half of it is weird teenage rambling, self-aggrandizing and self-loathing. So anyway, I find that super annoying, super fast!

Hmm...teenage angst. Running away. Depression.
So glad I missed it during my awkward teenage angst-filled phase!