Yelling

Ever raise your voice at someone at work and get in trouble from your boss for yelling at someone?

Some days, make that every day, I get really tired of working with stupid people.

Readers' Digest

Confession: I'm an on-the-bus, over-the-shoulder reader.

So there's this guy on the bus who reads Reader's Digest. (note that it should be Readers' Digest, except for on those days where I'm reading over his shoulder...) The only thing is that he must get them for 10 cents a copy at the Goodwill, because he's got them from 1987 and 1992 and it doesn't seem to bother him. It does however bother me.

I don't get it.

There's an awful lot in this world I totally don't get. One of the things is guys. One of the specific things about guys is emails. A guy I barely dated three years ago started sending out email petitions lately and somehow I am on his list of "friends." (Mind you that this is the guy who had a screaming fit at me which resulted in the I-never-want-to-see-or-talk-to-you-ever-again conversation.) Why is he emailing me??

Left-handed

I am not left-handed, but I am fairly ambidextrous... for example I can mouse better with my left than with my right hand. Last week at lunch we were talking about left-handed wiping as they do in Nepal, so their right hands always stay super clean for shaking, etc. I doubt that I am that adept.

Bring your toddler to work day - Today!

Today the cube-neighbour brought her Meghan to work. Disappointingly the child is quite cute.

Winds-day

Here's what I worry about... hot ash flying into my eye. This week has been incredibly windy and people out on the street are smoking. Doesn't anybody else worry that their still-hot ashes are flying about hitting strangers? Possibly in the eye??

People suck.

Ear wiggies

How do you tell your boss that at a meeting she asked you to attend in her stead you couldn't concentrate and didn't have any idea what was going on because the guy beside you had gewbie things in his ears and it was so distracting you didn't pay any attention to what he was saying?

The captain sinks with the ship

Yesterday afternoon at about quarter to four, the building I work in sprung a leak somewhere on the 12th floor. Of course we're on the 2nd floor, so it took some time to start gushing down the stairs and elevator shafts. By some time, I mean a minute or two, and then we all were asked to evacuate. Today I'm at work again. The entire building smells like wet carpet and only one elevator wasn't damaged, but we're all here. Apparently the first out the door yesterday was the CEO.

Life's too short... so finish your smoke

Homemade sign taped up at the front of the bus today:

SMOKERS:
Please finish your
smoke a few minutes
before getting on our bus.
Don't litter.
Thanks.

Wednesday at lunch

Three of us went out and hit a consignment store in the neighbourhood that specializes in expensive brand names at not really reduced prices. This crazy wrinkly old German saleslady was helping me. I tried on this short knit sweater and I turned to Brenda and said “how’s this? Are the sleeves too short?” The saleslady came right up into my face and poked me in the shoulder and said “THIS is KNIT. Now when you get home you wrap this sweater in a wet towel and then put it on, and then -- now hold tight and tell me if I pinch you, (grabbing my shoulder) then you take this top seam and the bottom of your sleeve and pull like THIS.” She starts reefing on my arm like she wanted to wrench it out of its socket!

I was a little shocked (and very amused) and looked at Brenda who immediately turned around and started laughing. She continued “now, with the body of the sweater you can do the same. Shoulders back! Stand up straight!” and she starts yanking on the bottom of the sweater, thereby extending it three inches over my butt… even though I protested that it was fine.

All of a sudden there was this tearing sound and she looked up at me surprised and I giggled and Brenda almost peed herself. She'd torn the plastic tag right off!

Absolutely annoying

I find it super irritating to go into coffee shops and see a little homemade magic-marker sign that has a variation on "Minimum debit transaction $3.00 or we will add $0.50 to your purchase." That's totally a rotten deal, for one thing either jack up your prices to include the occasional customer who uses debit on a transaction for a $1.50 coffee -- or view it as part of your overhead, and (guess what?) include that in the prices you charge your customers!

Recently I was in a coffee shop with no such sign posted and I ordered a drink, the drink was made, placed on the counter in front of me and when I pulled out my debit the woman flashed a triumphant grin and said "You can't use debit for puchases under $5.00!" I said that I was sorry but didn't have any change on me so they could cancel my order and turned to sit with my friend who already had her beverage. The woman consulted with another staff member on the issue and came to the table to tell me that she could sell me a drink after all, but they would have to charge me $1.00 for the transaction. I got kind of angry at this point and told them they had no such sign pointing out any such fee and they could forget the drink.

It seems to be primarily Asian owned coffee shops that do this to their customers. Why??

People with Children

There's this woman at work who makes sure that her daughter Meghan is mentioned at every possible opportunity. She'll come in and someone will say "good morning" which is her cue to let everyone know how Meghan did being dropped off at daycare this (and every) morning -- good or otherwise. Then someone will say to someone else "how was your weekend" which of course leads to a story about Meghan's weekend was. On Friday someone will say "have a nice weekend" which is a cue to let everyone know what Meghan has planned for the weekend.

At lunch today I was offered a grape. I said "no thank you, I don't particularily care for grapes" which was neither true nor a lie, but I just didn't feel like eating someone else's lunch. Would you believe it, Meghan doesn't like grapes either! Someone else complained that she'd brought leftovers but the noddles were overcooked so she was planning on eating only the vegetables in the dish. Would you believe that Meghan does the exact same thing when presented with a dish she doesn't care for!? Wow, it's like we're all long lost twins of Meghan! We love Meghan! Meghan please come in and work with us!

Pain in the ear...

Biggest pet peeve today: people who talk to you on hands-free. It's been my experience that men (usually) don't think you'll be able to tell if they've got you on speaker phone, but it's totally loud, completely distracting and every time they put down their coffee cup or move papers it blows your ear drums! What a pain!

Weird

Don't you hate it when people name their kids something ordinary like Corey and then decide to be cute and spell it with a K? It kind of bugs me when I see names spelled like Kris or Alyson or Ami. If all they want is to be different, why not just pick an unusual name for their child?? Like Z'Anne instead of plain old boring Anne. Oh no wait, that's weird too.

Committees at work

So today I had a committee meeting of this certain committee (one of a few I am on) and no one showed up except for the woman recording the minutes and one other person.

It shall go down in history as the most productive committee meeting ever. Lots of decisions made, lots of tasks assigned... to other people on the committee.

No Rash Decisions

Does anyone else get a rash when presented with some horrible work that they'll have to spend hours fixing? Really? You don't?

Huh. ... me neither.

Hackysack Plague

Last night, I was standing at the stop downtown and a couple of guys were kicking around a hacky-sack when a girl they knew walked by and said hi and started watching. Before you knew it the one guy kicked it straight up and caught it in his MOUTH. To impress?? Who knows. You should have seen the looks on his friends faces! It was a look of horror and repulsion and I laughed right out loud. The one kid was like "Dude! That's SICK, that thing's been in garbage cans and sh*t!! It's been on the ground where DOGS take a crap! You're going to catch the PLAGUE and DIE!!!"

Later on the bus the girl had a pepsi and the guy asked if he could have a drink and you could see she was trying to be cool and really wanted to let him but she was thinking about the hackysack in the mouth thing... finally she handed it over and said "but don't drink it all!" which of course was a direct challenge. On the plus-side, there's no chance of catching the plague.

Now selling

Costco sells caskets. I know! Is there anything that they don't carry??

You've got to be kidding!

Ever hear someone's voice and turn around to look at them like "you've got to be kidding?"

Going to school

Not eating my eraser this Saturday morning, but I am back in school. Get to sit next to a nose-whistler. Just like elementary school.

Post Update

So I'm moved into my cube, starting to like my post and this space. It's kind of quiet with a post on one side and a wall on the other, and only one guy next door who plays muzak all day long. That's wearing a little thin, but otherwise I'm pretty happy. Oh and also except for every person who walks past my cube stopping and saying "how's it going? like your new space?" Here's an updated for everyone: YES. Yes, I like my new space. Yes, the post feng shui sucks. The poison arrows of the sharp corners are pointed straight at the back of my head. GOT IT. Shut up and GO AWAY!!

Post

We're moving offices. I get to move two cubicles down, which hardly seems worth it. Especially since I was practically volunteered to move into a cubicle with a 3 x 3 foot post in the middle of it. There is some room for a chair to slide out from under the desk, but barely. The reason I get this lovely spot? I don't really do anything that involves moving away from my computer anyhow...

So, I've come up with a brilliant plan - I need to make the post more friendly by coming up with a good use for it (like for example a "beat head here" target holder) or a good name for it. That'll make it friendlier and more sympathetic.

Or pathetic.

I'll keep you posted! Aha ha ha ha!

But... what about you?

I was telling a colleague about people bringing over dinners for us now that my mom is sick. On Tuesday we had a huge roaster brought over with chicken and all kinds of vegetables and a salad and even a beautiful strawberry dessert made with fresh strawberries and cream. Yum!

Last night dinner showed up and it was turkey dinner. Potatoes and rice, steamed carrots, steamed cauliflower, steamed brussle sprouts, and a salad, enough gravy to float my boat, and stuffing and homemade cranberry sauce. Topped off by cooked chocolate pudding and a homemade plum cake. I thought I'd died and gone to heaven.

My colleague said "but... what about you? Don't these people realize that you're fully capable of cooking for your family?"

Well, it's not like I'm tricking them into bringing food...

Back to the grind...

I had a couple days off to take care of my mom who was at home sick... came back to an absolute panicked boss and co-workers. Kind of nice to know I was missed!

Unfortunately it means three hours of slogging through emails and catching up projects for the next couple of days. Oh well! At least I had a couple of beautiful sunny days at home doing what I love best: reading!

P.S.

You were probably wondering what happened with my new best friend today?? Well today for the fifth time this week I had to explain to her that it was impossible for us to change our splash page for our homepage because it was built in flash and can only handle text-only XML components. I think the computer words "only" and "text" confused her.

"But how about we add a logo graphic instead of text?" "No."
"Could we make this an extra button?" "No. And those elements aren't buttons. They're Flash, it's a whole picture, think of it as a flat one screen movie."
"How about we could change the font to a larger size." "No. It's an XML portion imbedded in Flash. We can't change the font."

She went to my boss and checked with her. (grr!) "Maria said that I can't change this page..." My boss said "what are you checking with me for? Maria's right. If Maria says it can't be changed it can't be changed, you can depend on it. I can't give you a different answer than that, and I'll give you the same reason -- it's built in Flash. We can't change it. We know it sucks but we can't change it."

She wanted to add: and don't come and ask me to change Maria's answer ever again!

And now you all know why we're called the "No" Girls around the office.

Staff Planning Day

Today we had a Staff Planning Day. It was as boring as it sounds excepting, of course, the unit updates. We had Celebrity Hollywood Squares done by our team and I was Where's Waldo and Martha Stewart, a sock puppet/Barenaked Ladies performance by the ever creative Resource Development group, and a hilarious Research Hit Mix 2005 Album that highlighted great hits by the Research group this year. But the rest of it was a complete waste of a day... or maybe I'm just one of those employees who don't really need to have a say of what the department does. We had exercises that seemed to be really managerial with setting up hypothetical budgets for hypothetical important projects that we could decide about. Kind of a waste of a day... except they let us out at 2pm. Whoo!

Logging off

I have a new best friend at work. She doesn't know how to turn her computer on. She doesn't know how to link in an email. She doesn't know how to use the internet.

She came to my desk today to ask me what the IT guy meant when he asked her to log off her computer before she left. I showed her: click on start, then choose log off. She didn't think she had a start button on her machine, so I had to go with her to check.

Apparently she does know enough to change her settings. Her back drop is a cute puppy, her task bar is up the right side of the window, her start button really doesn't say start. Why do people mess with their settings and then expect help??

What a waste

Our department meeting on Friday will be a spectacular event. All the units have to present a five minute update on last year's projects and a heads-up on new projects. It's always been a time for units to out-do each other. Even in five minutes.

This year I get to be Where's Waldo in our project update. I'm telling ya, it's going to be spectacular!

Retail Therapy

Went out at lunch to do some shopping, only to arrive at the corner of the street where I thought there was a certain shop, only to find a different one there. For some reason, even though I knew that that one was there too, I was suprised.

So no retail therapy for me at lunch. How disappointing.

Sneezing

Sometimes when you're asleep on the bus and someone sneezes three times really loudly on to the back of your head, don't you just want to get up and smack them and then throw them off the bus for spreading germs?

Sneaky suspicion

I always have this sneaky suspicion that the drycleaners don't actually clean my stuff... just return it to me ironed. How do they do it? Do they use soap but no water? Ultraviolet radiation?

Especially suspicious is this place that advertises Martinizing brand of dry cleaning. Martinizing : Slave labour Martians?

Cards for guys

Here's a great business opportunity, creating a line of cards for guys... you could come up with all kinds of pseudo-serious card categories and have the funniest cards with all kinds of wild statements in them. Like "thanks for distracting the hot blonde girl's ugly friend last night" "Please remember, I owe you 15 beers next time we go out" "Dude, sorry that I always puke in your car, we can take mine next time." Too bady guys don't really go into card stores.

Maybe in my next life I should write cards... that would be an interesting fun job! I'll have to keep that in mind when I'm contemplating my next job change.

Anxiety

I have a certain amount of anxiety about people making fun of a character trait or one of my habits... isn't there always a grain of truth to sarcasm?

Office supplies

I am so lame... for leaving this so long and then starting with such a lame topic.

So the most exciting thing that has happened to me lately is shopping for office supplies. I got all geeked about standing in front of rows and rows of nice new pens and pencils in packages, and envelopes and folders and important office stuff. I felt about seven years old, like I was getting ready for "back to school" - enough to know it was going to be monumental at first with all new stuff, but then kind of a let down to know that once you've got the pencils unwrapped and sharpened and have taken the first bite out of the brand new eraser, it's just back to the grind for another year.

Except that I don't go to school anymore, so my life is back to the grind... every single day.

Not much new...

Again with the lame inexplicable posting break. Only excuse: my life was boring this week.

Nothing new here.
Nothing to see.
Carry on.

Weebl and Bob and Pie

I believe that everyone should see the pie clip. You really must. I talk about it enough.

Home Star Runner

It's so much fun. http://www.homestarrunner.com/

Funny site

Overheard in passing...

Christmas Grinch

I decided not to give anyone else a Christmas present this year… instead all my friends and loved ones can help me out by saving my money for a down-payment for my condo. This would be the gift I wish for myself from them.

Blackcurrant Gummies

Lovely gummies found in the scary import section of Superstore: Gummy Blackcurrants.

I love gummies!!

Happy Windsday

Something else that strikes me as funny is people with hair when it's windy. People look funny when it's windy and their hair is all messed up or blowing straight back.

too funny to pass up

http://www.jonessoda.com/files/3-legged_mutt.mov

What will they think of next?

Jones Soda...

New for Thanksgiving -- Green Bean Casserole Soda, Mashed Potato & Butter Soda, Fruitcake Soda, Cranberry Soda and Turkey & Gravy Soda.

Check it out.

More than anything

More than anything on the web I love www.notmydesk.com. I guess that should be "more than anything I loved..." because now he's gone.

Good thing for the wayback machine.

If they didn't pay me

If they didn't pay me, I wouldn't go to work. (...if they paid me any less, I wouldn't go to work either.)

Happily, I've had as much to do in the first 10 days of November as September and October combined.

I say happily as I've been released from doing mundane look-busy-work which is more taxing on the brain. Only because it's harder to hide personal emailing behind look-busy-work than actual work.

It's all fun and games...

...until someone loses an eye.

Or $100,000.00.

Or their mind.

Looking for apartments this weekend was interesting. Poking through a stranger's house and looking at the pictures on their fridge, wondering why they removed the closet doors and put their bed into the closet.

Moving my blog -- easier to update will hopefully result in frequenter posts.

Dear Systems Administrator(s),

I have password rage, and I really can't be responsible for so many passwords in my condition. It's kind of like short-term memory loss, but really more like long-term obscure remembering ability and short-term forgetting ability. It's very rare and serious and usually happens when I meet new people or get a new password... I know it's all very confusing to you, but I'm serious. My backgammon game with my friend is just not really that much of a secret, so if we could just cut it out with the passwords I'd feel better about myself.

Also, since I'm making up rules, let's remember not to give single people stupid advice that starts out in a story of how they "caught" the lucky other person. It's different for every single human being on earth, what makes anyone think it'd be the same for someone else??

Let's remember as a rule when we're lucky enough to get married and have kids this one important thing: don't tell non-pregnant, non-kid-having people stuff they don't care about and can't relate to.

It's boring blah blah blah. Or a horror story that will turn us off for sure.

I'm reading a book about finding the love of your life. It's silly and I am enjoying it immensely. It's the kind of drivel you'd expect and it's completely moronic and yet totally common sense advice. The first chapter deals with eliminating the seven most prevalent causes of faulty mate selection. It was pedestrian, so I'll spare you.

In the second chapter, it recommended forming a mental image of your future spouse. One of the points to consider is intelligence. "No one wants to marry someone well below them in intelligence. But you may not want to marry a genius either. Sometimes, a potential mate is too intelligent. Or maybe he is smart in ways that make him a bad match for you. What kind of intelligence do you want your future mate to have?"

Another point is appearance. "While it would be foolish to base your decision too heavily on appearance, your individual tastes should be considered when formulating the image of your perfect person. You must settle on your own preferences... Determine a look you will be pleased with."

Other points to consider were ambition, chemistry, spirituality, character, creativity authenticity, and others, all discussed in nauseating detail.

The kicker was that to start off this lame chapter the author wrote:
"So my challenge to you is to become all that you are capable of becoming. At the same time I encourage you to look squarely at yourself and appraise your overall attractiveness accurately. But remember this: It's probably best to search for someone who seems to be a little above you -- and then to try with all you have to become the person who will be attractive to that individual."

In a nutshell the deal to getting yourself mated up is -- find someone you're attracted to, find out what kinds of people they're attracted to, (as far as appearance and personality) then become the person that they would be attracted to, forgoing your own personality and changing your appearance to be as little like yourself as possible, thereby basing your entire relationship on fraudulent evidence of yourself.

Library Romance -- I want to make up a story and submit it, tee hee!

Actually... reflecting upon it, I'm sad that working in libraries nothing like that has happened to me. Sort of. Well, it's not like I work in a traditional library or with regular library patrons. Good thing too, since some homeless people that hang out in regular libraries all day. And it's kind of embarrassing to be flirting with the library patrons in my job, since it's the same 150 people that are in the company and I'd have to see them all the time. (Not that it's stopped me...)

Things I think you should not do

You should not name a baby girl Berry. Or worse yet, Berri.

Or a boy Leslie or Ashley. I just think you shouldn't.

The Office

I watched the second season of The Office, the BBC comedy that everyone is talking about. I had so much anxiety about the situation that I nearly had to turn it off.

It hits too close to home.

I didn't want to know

To start off this update, some information about me: I'm usually a bear in the morning -- but I'm fairly civil unless spoken to. I generally don't like people on busses or at bus stops, although they usually give me ample material to laugh and write about.

Today I get out to my bus stop and the one guy I actually don't mind saying "good morning" to is already standing there. Usually we say "good morning" to each other and then he gives me a brief weather report. He is a Newfie and fixated on weather reports. I'm not sure where he gets these weather reports because they all contain forecasts of rain. I am pretty sure he doesn't like sun and suffers from bad-news-glee. That concludes our limited conversation and I can go back to sleeping with my eyes open, standing up, waiting for the bus.

Anyhow, today I said to him: "Good morning."
He pokes his finger into his nose and says "I've got a pimple right under my nose, and it's driving me nuts!!"

Found two quarters today!

I always figured I had a gift for finding dimes... everywhere I go I normally find dimes. I guess they're kind of thin and they are the smallest of change so they could easily fall out of people's pockets. But then discussing superstitions at lunch one day someone said "see a penny, pick it up, then all day you'll have good luck. Oh but never pick up a dime if you find it on the street." And instead of saying why, everyone agreed and nodded and continued the conversation. I interrupted and wanted to know why but no one would tell me.

You know what? That's fine. Don't tell me and I'll continue to pick up everyone's dimes everywhere I go. I'm raking in the dough, 10 cents at a time!

Bus fun

Another day on the bus, more people that smell like urine.

And a funny poem on the morning bus. See it here.

Choir practice is not cancelled

I've been so excited because choir practice was cancelled this week... I told everyone I know.

Then I got an email: "There seems to be some confusion about whether or not there is practice this Tuesday (July 6) - as I mentioned at last week's practice, there will be a practice this week. I would really appreciate it if you could make it."

Poop.

Found: One American Quarter

As I was picking up my friend to take her to the airport early this morning. And that's like a buck seventy-five Canadian! Woot!

The Yeti Chair

I stumbled in to work this morning, still half bemused by sleep and lack of caffeine, to find a long (really long), thick (really thick), black hair (really ugly) sitting in front of my monitor. Immediately I controlled the retch impulse and fought back rising panic while I tried to get the hair off my stuff and into the trash.

After I had disposed of it I had a flashback to my first day of work.

It happened like this: I was introduced to coworkers and shown to my cubicle. Only to find the Yeti had been turned into a chair and banished to Edmonton, Alberta, living my cube. Removing the hair required a pair of scissors and a certain amount of company time. It was like shearing a sheep -- every couple of days I'd have to do it again because it seemed to grow out of the stuffing.

Stinky bus people (still bug me)

There's an awful person on the morning bus of a certain ethnicity who seems to have stomach problems. I say -- "it seems" and "awful" only because I'm fairly certain that the occasional smells of putrid gasses seem to emanate from this one person, quite awfully so. By "occasional" I mean regularly frequently, maybe every two minutes or so.

Today this person sat directly behind me and not only proceeded to emit gasses but eat carrots and chew with an open mouth for the entire ride.

I know!!

I mean, really! Carrots for breakfast?? What was this person thinking!?

Not to be too girly or anything, but I bought a lipstick. Never have worn lipstick before. It's not pink and it's quite dramatic.

I happened to have scratched myself under the eye while sleeping. I look like I punched myself in the face. Luckily my hair looks ok.

The average person loses between 100 and 200 hairs from their head every day. And I have started worrying about this.

I gave up my library card a long, long time ago, partially because it disgusted me to be reading a book and to find someone else's hair in the book. Especially if it was a stupid book. The other reasons I gave up my card had something to do with my inability to return books on time and my unwillingness to read a bestseller after 34 people ahead of me on the waiting list had all read it. By the time I get books from the library, someone usually has smeared chocolate cake into the margins, slobbered all over the corners while flipping pages, and dropped it in the bath. (Ok, ok, so I have more issues than just hair... but nobody should ever lick their finger to turn a page. Ever. Especially not with a book for public use.)

Anyhow, back to my hair phobia. Recently, on the bus, a woman with long dark hair sat down in front of me. I noted that she had filthy, greasy, dirty hair. I further noted that one single hair was hanging out a little bit further than the rest... and for the next five minutes I was mesmerized watching this hair grow longer and longer until finally, with a sudden lurch of the bus, it was deposited into my lap. I had to fight an instant gag reflex.

Today, again on the bus, I had my eyes closed and one strand of someone's hair flew into my face. I think the lady next to me thought I was crazy --flapping and waving my arms around and pulling at my nose -- going "pffft! bbbbbffffffffft!! pfffftt!"

The saddest part about still being single and all your good friends marrying is the fact that your secrets will no longer be, well... secret. No matter how intensely private you think a matter is it will eventually come out of your best friend's husband's mouth most likely in an inopportune moment, and invariably in a public place.

Ich bin ein Berliner!

Speaking of identifying persons of ethnicity, today at the bus stop there was a man who was German. Without a doubt.

How, do you ask, do I know he was German? Was it the German-style haircut -- short on the bottom and longer over the thinning top? Was it the funny German-style pull-over-the-head pullover with the stand-up collar? Was it the cream coloured brand-new Levi Red Tab jeans? Was it the fact that his face was so angular that not only his nose came to a point, but his jawbone came to a point and his chin came to even more of a point? His ice-cold light blue eyes? The way he could sleep anywhere, even on a hot, bumpy, smelly bus? The way he wore his backpack?

Anyone of those things may have tipped me off, however all combined it was like wearing a flag, "Jawohl, Ich bin ein German!"

If I see him tomorrow I'll confirm it.

To my faithful reader: Thanks for checking. Feel free to give me that virtual kick in the pants every once in a while.

Tomorrow is the longest day of the year. Somehow with my knees knocking together out at the bus stop in the mornings I don't feel very summery.

On my way back to lunch today, I was lost in a sea of short Japanese tourists in our lobby. What, do you ask, were they doing there? I am not sure. They may have been lost.

How, do you ask, do you know they were Japanese tourists?

floppy hats -- check
funny short pants -- check
white plastic runners -- check
cameras & video equipment -- check, check
grandmother in tow -- check
big white tour bus with tinted windows dropping them off -- dead give away.

Also, they were absolutely in the way of everyone who belonged in the building.

Allergies. The stuff I take for them is putting me to sleep, the coffee I drink to keep me awake at work is making my stomach upset, and I can't seem to focus on my computer screen.

I may be going blind.

Typing School

I had to type up a table of contents for an Indian tobacco journal for work -- I believe that is what they should use for teaching people how to type. Forget all that lazy brown dog stuff and Mary and the seashore. If it wasn't plant related latin words for nematodes, or some-such, then it was the author names, five or six people for each article. Most of them had 15 letters and repeated similar combinations. My spell checker went nuts! Who knows if I actually got it right.

Character Reference

Complete the following sentences. For added fun have the person you're doing the character reference for sitting in front of you.

The applicants' character can be described as _________ .
The applicants' reputation can only be described as __________.

Very depressing thought courtesy of a great friend:

"what are the odds that someone cute is also very smart?"

Offices are usually full of strange and wonderful people. We have one guy that was demoted from an office into a cubicle and as a silent protest he refuses to make the cubicle his home. There is not one thing in his cube (when he is not in it) to make it look occupied. When he is in his cube he hangs his coat on a hanger, and then the hanger on a coat stand, and the coat stand is moved directly in the entrance of his cube so no one can tell what exactly is going on in there.

Except I can hear him whining. About not having an office.

Character

It's surprising what we put up with when we know what a person is all about. Selfishness, arrogance, stupidity, smells -- these all may not pose problems if we understand a persons basic character.

I, however, have nothing leftover for boring people.

The woman who had my job before me died alone in her apartment. I think there might have been a pet. After a week of trying to get a hold of her they gave up and contacted family. There was an autopsy but the body was in bad shape after all that time and they couldn't determine the cause or time of death.

I've tried not to dwell on that fact. I'm also trying to remember that all the junk in my cubicle at work is stuff she probably planned to work on and didn't get to.

Dear Punctuation Abusers:

I want to put you in Punctuation Jail for misusing punctuation so very liberally. Why do you do it??!? It's so hard to read when every other sentence ends in either two or three exclamation points or question marks!!! And the others trail off in a flurry of ellipses... Darn you for annoying me...

If I could be any girl in the whole entire world I'd be Julia Stiles. With Heath Ledger as my boyfriend. If my life could be 10 Things I Hate About You.

Can't lose the adventure in my life. Can't!!

Complaining about my boring purse today, I realized I have a fashion purse phobia, and that's why I stick to boring purses. It's true. My phobia started a couple of years ago when interesting shaped purses were all the rage and I found this super cute little purse with a double zipper --and wound up receiving quite a few compliments of the ingenuity of using a pencil case as a purse from a few admiring teenagers. GA!

Overheard in the cube farm today -- two guys, prairie dogging over the wall...

"so... what does she look like?"
"She's attractive."
"Blonde?"

...yes, because only blondes are attractive. You really do hear the strangest things in open areas...

Reason not to get MSN:

** says:hi there, how are you doing?

pinklemonade says:good how are
you?

** says:good thank's

** says:how was you're trip to Germany?

Name withheld to protect the innocent.

I love Hugh Grant. I am absolutely convinced that he will realize that I am alive and come find me and ask me to marry him. We would live happily ever after.

I also love Hugh Jackman, Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy and the guy who played Tad Hamilton in the movie and Pierce Brosnan, even though he is old.

Crazily, I missed the bus today. But I told some other woman that my bus would take her where she wanted to go. I was so confused by talking bus numbers, I forgot which bus I was waiting for and forgot to get on myself.

Starbucks sent me a gift certificate to help me deal with my pain and suffering from my burn... a gift card for ten whole dollars. That's right, $10.

Wow. That's so cheap I almost want to change my mind and stick it to them.

Some website I was reading on synchronicity and seriality mentioned the word incouciant... which is a word I just discovered and has been making the rounds in about every book I've read in the past weeks, which strangely enough is totally about seriality...

"For instance, someone rolls off a particularly mellifluous sounding word in conversation, "insouciant," that piques your curiosity but you have no idea of its meaning. Shortly after hearing it the first time, you read it in a book, someone else uses it in conversation-and someone else. This clustering of the word "insouciant" is an example of Kammerer's notion of seriality, and for Kammerer, much to his critic's disagreement, this patterning was not random but meaningful."

So I had to look up mellifluous too... which means:

1. Flowing with sweetness or honey.
2. Smooth and sweet: “polite and cordial, with a mellifluous, well-educated voice”

Funny -- I go into Chapters with a stomach ache and a touch of the flu and walk out healed. Is it the magical paper dust? Is it the enchanted ink smell?

Courtesy of my best friend:

"I don't really care how time is reckoned so long as there is some agreement about it, but I object to being told that I am saving daylight when my reason tells me that I am doing nothing of the kind. I even object to the implication that I am wasting something valuable if I stay in bed after the sun has risen. As an admirer of moonlight I resent the bossy insistence of those who want to reduce my time for enjoying it. At the back of the Daylight Saving scheme I detect the bony, blue-fingered hand of Puritanism, eager to push people into bed earlier, and get them up earlier, to make them healthy, wealthy and wise in spite of themselves."

(Robertson Davies, The Diary of Samuel Marchbanks, 1947, XIX, Sunday.)

Girls need girlfriends. I'm so glad I have some!

Lost of love... that's kind of hard to say of anybody. Almost everybody has somebody to love them, don't they?

I still think I'll end up writing a book at some point. I just have too much to say.

I stopped to talk to a homeless person last week who had a small brass statue of an elephant on his tray where he was collecting coins from passersby. I asked him what the elephant was for and he shrugged, but when I turned to walk away he called me back and very seriously asked me if I could please get everyone to stop killing the elephants.

Here is my attempt to get the word out: Hey everybody, please stop killing the Elephants!

Thanks.

There was a work meltdown today due to a banana.

"Someone" was a little sensitive about sad looking bananas in a manual that was supposed to be printed....

We think "someone" might have a little problem!

I have a strange sense of schadenfreude to realize that my horrible job from before Christmas only has three original employees left. (excluding the manager and two owners) The management has behaved so poorly that two former colleagues and three non-english programmers saw the light and have quit in the two months since I've quit.

You should know about my penchant for mediocre speakers, there is always so much more food for thought in poor speakers than good ones.

I would have thought it impossible, but my brother's car odometer is 10 km/h slower than my car's odometer. He thinks I'm speeding... and that I'm looking for an excuse.

I got 2nd degree burns today, from a Starbucks incident involving coffee from their cheap coffee thermoses. That's right, the coffee which usually isn't hot enough to drink, burned my arm. And to make matters worse the burn is in an interesting imprint of my ribbed sweater. It includes pussy blisters.

i noticed recently that my eyebrows aren't the same shape. weird.

my brother and sister and I have had a sad week of eating pizza and toast for suppers.

Good idea from a friend: have an un-shower party (for the too-picky carreer girls like us?!)

Yes, I could show off all of my stuff! "Here is where I keep the mismatched set of yellow and orange towels my mom got for her wedding from Aunt So-and-so that she never liked and never used, and over here I keep my stylish 70s tupperware sets, all discards from a sympathetic female relative! Have a seat in my mismatched chairs and sofa.

Please have pity on me and leave money in the fruit bowl on the counter on your way out..."