In my purse

I've a habit of carrying things in my purse because they're handy. My sister does the same. I've got a little fold-up pliers-screwdrivers toolkit in mine and she's got a measuring tape among other things.

So then is it any surprise that occasionally I'll carry food stuffs? Today my lovely sister sent along some fresh baked bread for me. "Oh yummy!" I said, "good thing I've got butter in my purse!"

Thank you, here is a cookie (#).

We all expect everything to magically work every time all the time. So to be like no one else I would like to show my appreciation for IT help, here have another I ate way too many this morning.... (#).

Ew stink

In a fancy bottle at Winners:

Pecksniff's Mood Therapy Aromatherapy Lotion.

I checked it 3 times.

Adorable and hilarious

A four year old boy trying to lose his mother in Winners with a homemade arts & crafts-style sign hanging around his neck with the words "I'm special!"

Troubleshoot my internet pls!

Angrifying. People who get a hold of me:

1. at my parents house
   
2. after 10 pm
3. to troubleshoot their internets and emails
4. over the phone.

YES, of course if you used a capital letter in your password it matters!

Email invites

For a birthday party it's cool. But for a wedding?

Consider:

• the bride saves stamps
• she gets you to download the invite from a free file sharing site where you have to endure ads before you get to download
• then it turns out to be a powerpoint and we all know how evil powerpoint is (except when you are using it for irony)
• and then they ask for cash gifts instead of presents.
  

Today after work (and after my other work) I stopped at Safeway to pick up a lemon and a lime and a rice pudding and in the express lane was this older lady (not really old, but really stupid) who had a bill of $5.05.

So she scrounged in her purse and finally found her Club Card, but then she couldn't find her Airmiles, but then she wanted to pay the 5 cents in pennies and the 5 bucks on her gift card, but then her gift card was empty so she told the cashier "Well YOU PEOPLE should really look into that..." (but the cashier Had. Just. Swiped. It. Arg!!) and then she scrounged some more for a 5 dollar bill which she was sure she had in her purse and when she found it she started looking for her keys and when she found her keys she also found her Airmiles card which she still wanted credited... on my way out she was at the customer service desk getting The Mystery Of The Empty Gift Card looked into and the lady was telling her she must have spent it all. Luckily I had no business at the Customer Service Desk. Or else my head would have exploded.

Someone came into my office complaining that when he typed his words would randomly disappear... I had NO idea what in the world he was talking about. So he showed me.

Turns out he had NO idea that the Insert key has two different modes -- insert and overwrite. I'm explaining concepts to people I don't remember ever NOT knowing...

Today? Someone complained to me that it takes exactly 41 clicks of the mouse to complete some task in our system "and I don't mind telling you, Maria, that's about 41 clicks too many."

www.fmylife.com

>:( Like I care.

Tea, bacon and mustard.

Tea, bacon and mustard.
Those are all the things that have sullied my pants today.
It's been a good day.

Do you have a minute?

I love it when people say "do you have a minute to come to my desk to see something?" and they show me that their login has expired or account has been locked. And by love it, I mean it's not really something I need to see, since I can't fix it at your desk and since I can in fact fix it from MY desk where I was comfortably sitting and drinking my tea when you so rudely interrupted me.

Happily, I'm much getting better at saying "I'm not getting off my arse to come over there... what do you want?"

Annonymity

I'm pleased I'm still not findable.

Sir Spamalot

In my inbox:

Your bulge will be so noticeable you will have to wear a kilt.

hahahahahahhahahhahahahhahahaaaaa... this explains kilt wearing.

If you give a man a new photocopier Part II

If you give a man a new photocopier
chances are he will remember only a quarter of all that it can do,
but chances are he'll never remember how to do it on the new copier,
but chances are he'll remember exactly which 2 buttons did it on the old copier,
and chances are he'll hold it against you that now he can colour copy and do mixed media within the same batch, and collate and secure print or duplex scan images in full colour.

If you give a man a new photocopier,
well chances are you should just give up now because you'll never hear the end of it.

If you give a man a new photocopier

If you give a man a new photocopier,
chances are he'll use it for business purposes, but not often,
chances are he'll want to photocopy his ID, birth certificate and fax his insurance, and
chances are he'll have remembered nothing from the hour and a half introduction to the machine.
But after banging around the lid of the copier and kicking the equipment in the paper trays a few times you'll offer to show him how to use card shot and multi shot so he'll stop yelling and disrupting other people in the offices nearby.
If you show him how to use card shot and multi shot,
chances are he'll want to do it in full colour, and
chances are it'll take a few tries to get it right, and
chances are then finally he'll decide he could just scan himself the image in pdf.
If you show him how to use card shot and multi shot
chances are he'll just get the two mixed up anyway and you'll be back to the kicking and yelling and slamming.
So you'll offer to do it for him.
And chances are that's all he wanted in the first place.

Stupid jerk.

An overview and a summary.

I was sent a 80 page "overview" release document on the upgrade to the next version of a software we use. The "summary" was 193 pages.

It didn't have any pictures in it.

So I deleted it.

The internet.com is slow

Since Friday. This is somehow my fault, because I have been receiving calls about it even at home, where people have complained about low-seeded torrent files and ESSO pay-at-the-pump being unresponsive.

Turns out, at my shop, I'm sort of responsible for the internet being slow -- after 4 months in service our firewall logfiles were full (i.e. the internet was all bunged-up). Yup, we had a good purge and plunged out all that and now the internets are fast again!

Happy New Year!

What statue of limitations is there on saying Happy New Year? I thought surely the novelty has worn off by now... but no, sadly it has not. This is concerning for someone like me who often forgets the niceties in conversations, and especially in emails because I have a point and want to get to it before I forget why I'm emailing!

The plan:

The plan: picky eating as a form of weight control.

Man, I should write a book!!

That's gonna leave a mark

I ended up on the floor with my chair on top of me after trying to kick the cord of a dead printer out of the way and roll over it at the same time.

*ungeschickt* + headshake

I can't believe no one came running to rescue me, or at least point and laugh seeing as how the crash I produced was as loud as purposely throwing a chair against a wall... and we have cameras all over the office to catch just those sorts of moments!

>shhh!<