Safety first

In our Department of Redundancy Department we get folders on our shared drive named Safety. In it are various documents and subfolders, most of which start with "Safety" and continue with at least one other word but one folder that is actually called "Safety". In that folder, we have another sub-sub-folder by the name of "Safety". Super safety things go in the 3rd level deep safety folder. I'm just guessing.

Safety is run by the Quality Department, and Quality not only likes redundancy but clarity too. They have folders named "QUALITY DEPARTMENT DAILY USE FOLDER - FOR DAILY USE" and in it they have a subfolder named "QUALITY ASSURANCE FOR THE QUALITY DEPARTMENT - FOR DAILY USE" not to be confused with the "QUALITY ASSURANCE FOLDER FOR THE QUALITY SYSTEM PROGRAM OF THE QUALITY ASSURANCE DEPARTMENT" folder. Yes, all in caps. No, probably not for daily use. The folder and filename path length foobars the nightly backups so I wish I was making all this up.

Snippy snippy

Among other lovely snippy totally pissy people I've talked to today I talked to a woman on a tech support line who admitted she had about as much experience with the product as I did, which was exactly none. After asking to talk to someone who uses the program she told me that was entirely impossible, however I really should "educate" myself. My entire reason for calling was to find out how the connection string is composed for the software. Since there is no information in the manual about the connection string except "enter it into the blank field provided" how else should I get educated except by calling technical support??

To be honest, this woman loves to hate me. When she hears it's me calling she must get some kind of charge out of saying things like "I can't help you if I can't understand the question you're asking me!" when I've been more than specific about the issue or "Well I can't tell you what you did wrong, but you did something wrong. And I can't send you the correct files, but if you can determine which files are corrupt I will send them to you one by one." Good luck! One by one. For a thousand files.

Le sigh.

I'm calling around trying to get info on IP phones and services -- I called a place and was happily chatting away with a technician when we were disconnected with a big *bbzzttttttt*

It's not my phone. It's not our lines. I called back and their entire system rang "busy".

Not a good sign for a technical phone company I think.

How to tell it's fall

How to tell it's fall: The Shirtless Man* who drives to work in a teal-coloured Ford truck (circa 1991) started putting on a jacket over his tubby tummy.

* He used to be called the Naked Man as I couldn't see below the window of his driver's side door, but yesterday he was getting a newspaper from across the street at Timmy's and he was in fact wearing pants and a jacket -- but like all summer -- no shirt.

Popsie!

My Grandmother used to call all soft drinks a combo of Pepsi and Pop: Popsie!

Ich bin ein Popsie trinker!

Cute garage sale find

Totally retro colours but I love it! Acorns!

Fool.

I sent out an email notice alerting people to a new virus and asking them to make sure not to click on anything at work, but it may come to their homes as well, and so you should not click on any suspicious downloads at home either. I'm not assuming everyone is stupid enough to need notification not to click on suspicious things, but oh wait, yes I am!

Four hours later or so someone wanders out to refill their water glass and stands in my doorway to chat "Hey, so I was just wondering, what was your email all about?"
"Did you read it?" I asked annoyed.
"Not really."
"Ok well it basically said you should go home and click on every thing in your inbox. Hope that helps!"
"Whatever! You're pulling my leg... HA!"
"You're sharp! Guess you won't be fooled by a virus email then, but just in case you should read all the details I sent in the email."

Harvest

Tomatoes off the vine are the awesomest.

Online profile

The most important thing I am looking for in a person is:

Kindness. It is the one thing that I notice right away. Especially if it is absent. If you are a "stern" woman you need not apply.

I guess that's it for me then, I unkindly laughed out loud when I read that.

Phone call the second

AP: Hello I am wondering if you are busy at lunchtime today?
PL: Yes, I'm free for lunch!
think w00t! Someone invites me for lunch!!!1!!eleventy!

Oh wait, >:( it's not a nice invitation for samosas, it's an attempt for me to give up my lunch hour to scope out school netbooks for their 12 year old, and to set it up with anti-virus.

Reason #1 why I love IT.

Phone call the first

Odd day for phone calls:

Hello. This is Barry with CanPar. I have a package for (mispronounces my name badly) at some machine shop. No address, could you call us back and give us an address please?

How in the world do you have my personal cell phone number and name, vaguely know I work at a machine shop, but not which one, and no address, but send me a package? I can't wait to see who this package I'm not expecting is from.

Barry at CanPar, you have some googling-fu to find me.

Wrong number

I get a lot of wrong numbers so I don't usually answer the phone if I don't recognize the number. Today's gem:

"Hi, I saw your number posted in Dairy Queen and I'm moving next week, so I want to book you ASAP. Call me back please."

Posted on the bathroom stall? You might want to dial a little more carefully.

Common questions

Some what unfortunately I moved away from the city I grew up in for a brief time. By brief, I guess I mean four or five years, give or take. Ever since that time kind acquaintances who see me at least at Easter and Christmas, in addition to weddings and funerals, repeatedly ask "do you still live in ...?" No. Not anymore. Not in the last seven years. Not for a long time. I suppose I'll be 100 and someone will run into me in the old folks home and say "I thought you moved!"

But I honestly don't know how it came to be that at family weddings and funerals I get asked "do you still have your vacuum cleaner and are you still enjoying using it?" Every opportunity, it seems, is a good opportunity to inquire if I still love my vacuum. Currently without a significant other, I worry about why people ask me about my vacuum cleaner. It's a vacuum cleaner. It vacuums. I would rather vacuum the house than do pretty much any other domestic task but it is a still a chore. As such, being equipped with a proper tool makes the chore less chore-like, and so I bought a decent vacuum which I do enjoy using.

I don't know what else to tell you, except that I have a Miele vacuum and it really is a good tool. It sucks (really well)! But a warning: if you get one, you might get asked about it until the end of time.

PANIC (!!!!)

PHBs: Everybody quick!
We have emergency urgent things to do as quickly as possible so let's quickly start working and have things done by Sunday!

Peon: Ok, what do we have to do?

PHBs: I don't know. Scope hasn't been defined yet but we need to start working on it immediately as urgently as we can!!!

Peon: So, umm, if we don't know what is required then how are we supposed to provide anything useful?

PHBs: We need to anticipate the questions and provide the answers before we get the details of what is required.



Comment: You know the term 'Work smart'? I always thought that was a pretty common thing to do, but it turns out working stupid happens much more often.

Need printer

The guy who runs a little league out of his office & sends out massive amounts of email newsletters through our corporate email server and prints off colour flyers like it's going out of style asks:

do we have a copier around that's portable? would like to use at hockey registration.. nothing fancy... thanks.

I said no to this IT request. He was insistent he needs a copier AND printer in one, surely we could supply him with something portable. I asked him if he's seen anything portable he'd like to take home around our offices recently. (*maybe a fridge?) There is a place where they sell an all-in-one printer/copier units cheaply, it's called The Store. He told me he doesn't have time to go get a new printer, never mind get toner.


*apparently a fridge/freezer left unplugged and open to defrost was taken out of the offices. There was an announcement that who ever took the fridge to please bring it back. Someone returned the fridge and angrily pointed out that there was no note on it that said "do not take."

Because that is how we roll.

Coffee run counting fail

One sunny and slow summer afternoon a generous soul counts the number of people in the office, only four besides himself, and says "I'm going on a coffee run, my treat!" He takes down our drinks on a sheet of paper and drives 2 blocks to the coffee shop. When he comes back he hands out the four coffees according to his list and looks at his empty tray and goes: "whoops. I forgot to get one for myself."

Getting a handle on it...

At a housewarming party on Saturday afternoon, I got ice for my drink from the freezer door dispenser. What a handy invention! Unfortunately another guest had depth-perception issues or focus problems (think: googly-eyes) and as he reached to grab the fridge door handle he grabbed my love-handle instead.

Little-girl-shriek.
Spilled my drink on the floor.
Started uncontrollably giggling.
My sister & I had to leave shortly after that.

Brain problems.

Things I've said today that sound just-plain-wrong:

"...I can't take a dump yet!"
Meaning... I can't take an extract of the data from the database. Yet. 
The person I was talking to looked like: O_O

"...do I need to do a re-flush?" I was talking to an exceedingly cute guy with freckles and I mixed an ipconfig /flush with a dns restart.

I need to get a really good night's sleep without any rain, thunder or lightning.

Don't forget the warranty! No Srsly. Don't Forget It.

I went to a store today at lunch to buy batteries.

After requiring help to find the battery I needed because I dyslexically remembered CR 2320 instead of CR 2032 the following conversation between myself and the salesman ensues.

Shifty Salesman: "Let me ask you something..."

Myself: "Ok...."

Shifty Salesman: "How long did your previous battery last?"

Myself: "Oh I dunno, 2 or 3 or 4 years?" (batteries for my bathroom scale... definitely not a high use item...)

Shifty Salesman: "No, how long, really??"

Myself: " Umm... 3 maybe 2?"

Shifty Salesman: "Well, let me tell you what I can offer you. For just $1.50 each I can offer you a 3 year warranty on a battery like this."

Myself: *In head* "for a $5 battery?" *Out loud* "No, thanks I think I'll pass"

Shifty Salesman: "No, you don't understand. For only $1.50 each you will actually get TWO new batteries if one of these batteries dies before 3 years. It's an amazing deal."

Myself: *Out loud* "No really, I'm actually good. I'll just get the batteries." *In head* "If I get two replacements for each died battery, why would I buy the warranty twice?"

Shifty Salesman: "Well, I guess I can only show you the road...."

Myself: *In head* "WEEEEEIIIIIRRRDDOO!" Out loud "Yeah, I guess so...."

Tricky

I receive a request for a new battery. I purchase this battery and deliver it to the user's desk. User is incredulous and asks me: is this something I'm gonna be able to install all on my own??

Um yes. It's a battery.

Step one: remove old battery. 
Step two: insert new battery.
Step three: profit!