Noise Complaint

Today I have a very serious complaint.

I have had a headache off and on all day. That, however, is not my complaint.

My real complaint is that my mouse squeaks. (This, btw, does not in any way improve the headache situation.)

I'm sure you can all imagine the laughing that goes on when I voice my complaint: "*Chortle* Well, that's what they're supposed to do, isn't it?" Hardy Har Har. HI-LARious.

I suddenly have a new understanding for this poor chap.

Duplicity

There must be something reassuring about repeating oneself:

• "I would also like to say something as well..."
• "I am currently unavailable at the moment..."
• "Plus, included for free are..."

Reassuring or pompous sounding or just not paying attention?

Like a mouse

We have a receptionist/gate-keeper at our office, so when calls get transferred to my line there's no call display. Since I don't know who is calling I will almost always identify myself with "Maria speaking..."

Hilarity ensued when the confused caller said "Maria squeaking??"

Now my caller will joke daily "Maria sleeping? WAKE UP!"

No Food Touching Policy

There has been a recent attack on my no food touching policy on this blog.

I have long been persecuted for my fervent beliefs about no food touching. Of course I have always been ridiculed by my very own family but as the years went by I learned to deal with their scorn by just ignoring the remarks and internalizing the pain it caused me.

Then one day I met my now husband and I so foolishly thought I might have someone to help defend me against the constant attacks at family gatherings when I so carefully would build a wall on the edge of my plate to house the pool of gravy that I like to dip my meat in.

The very first time I was at his family's house for Thanksgiving Turkey dinner he reached over my plate, took his knife and callously broke the wall with his knife, laughing hysterically all the while gravy was spilling every where onto all sorts of other food while I frantically tried to rebuild the wall.

Naively I had assumed that someone I loved could never be so awful to me. Rest assured it has not happened again, despite his attempts.

Terribly Delicious!

We made paneer for supper today since someone who hates curry is in China! Hooray for curry! Turns out there is little I know about Indian cooking, since this recipe doesn't actually involve curry. Matar Paneer

It was terribly delicious just as Pom.Sugar predicted! We would like to highly recommend it, but note that we at least doubled the amount of yoghurt and milk in this dish. Maybe tripled it. We like our sauces saucy!

Notice please how she doesn't like her food touching. On these man-sized dinner plates the naan is practically pushed off the edge while the paneer is cowering over in one corner of the plate, having been scraped back into place several times.

We also made chai afterwards. Or at least she did while I watched. (watched TV that is. well someone had to!)

Plus Minus My Brain

I troubleshooted a calculator today, one where the minus button wasn't working.

I KNOW! I can barely believe people still use calculators rather than excel or the handy calculator in windows. There is almost no instance I could see it being useful or easier, but maybe if the power goes out. And even then... I'd still grab my cell phone.

But I digress. No wait! I KNOW! I can't believe I'm in charge of calculators either, but they plug in or have batteries, so there's that link to IT.

Then I got to watch the proof that the minus button didn't work.

1. First 100 plus 20 equals 120. Good, that worked.
   
2. Then 100 plus negative 20 equals 80. See, that worked too!
3. Now, watch: 100 minus 20 equals 80. Oh.

Ok good! My work here is done. My only question is do I add this to my list of solved problems for the day? Good thing it subtracted some time from my day... Haha, did you see what I did there? Add? Subtract! Yeah, that was funny.

Gratuitous kitty photos

This cat is so docile, that a 5-year old turning his tail into a bracelet and shrieking with laughter doesn't even rate a break in his nap.



And wearing a superman cape for her amusement is all in the line of duty.

Techno-tard

This is the story of how I end up needing to find a new place to put my potted plant.

Look! Little TV is so little! And old! And dusty!






When I first moved out on my own my dad showed up one day, beaming, with a TV and a VCR gift for me. I still have this TV. I love it. I use it. A lot.

(I also still have the VCR, just FYI.)

For the past oh, mumbledee ten? twelve? mumble -how old am I anyway?- some years I have been watching the same TV. I wore out the incredibly handy "previous channel" button about four or five years ago, but aside from replacing the batteries in the remote every once in a while, it just works. It's simple to use and set up. It also came with a set of bunny ears for the times I didn't want to afford to have cable. And when the cable company offered digital or HD I could say "no thanks! I have a tube TV and do not need HD." Generally they would laugh and hang up...

So for the past few years I have been made fun of by every one under the sun for being the most technology-backwards person. I tried to deflect by saying I was waiting for someone to give me a free TV but in reality, well... I actually did want someone to give me a free TV. My friends ridiculed me, my current set and the idea that someone would give me a free TV. I tried winning a TV to no avail.

Then, yesterday, Best Store sent me an email. The store said it had a 32 inch Samsung on sale. It pretty much came right out and said that I needed this TV. That it had great customer reviews. That it had nice specifications. Obviously, I needed this TV. I went home and measured the wall between my bedroom closet and my door and found out that it was exactly 32.5 inches wide. Best of all, when I went into the store and measured the width including bezels with my knitting measuring tape it was only 31.5 inches wide! This was the set for me! Getting it home would be the challenge, but I was up to it!

Being a luddite, I've also been ridiculed for driving an old car. It's paid for, cheap on gas and insurance, still runs well. On the other hand, in the winter I try not to have passengers in the back as the doors don't exactly open. Well the back doors open eventually but it wouldn't be an understatement to say it is more like breaking into my own car involving pliers and broken fingernails; sometimes threats mumbled under my breath. Last night in the parking lot my friend had to put his hoodie up dying of embarrassment.

"Buyin' a big TV but can't afford a decent ride!"
Priorities, my friend!

Getting the TV in the backseat of the car was a fifteen minute procedure, but getting it home and set up was a snap. Then I realized that it was another Samsung! I guess they make the best TVs! Then I realized, not only do they make the best TV sets, they also make the best remote controls. Previous Channel button: check! Ok, I am happy! OH WAIT, how come both sets are switching channels?? AWESOME!! HAPPY? YOU BET! <3



Hereby you may gaze upon the glory of the New Remote next to the much caressed Old Remote.

Lookit has moar buttons!! Yay!


Interestingly enough the channels coming through the bunny ears was 2 seconds faster than through the cable. I'm going to have to bite the bullet and order digital signal too as plain ole cable is just not going to be good enough for me anymore.

I expect great things from my new Samsung TV. I am going to savour the lines and the pixels and a lot more shows. My butt is going to get as wide as my thumb will become strong from pushing the Previous Channel button. You bet! Though, I am disappointed it didn't come with a potted plant holder.

I'm going to hang on to the old set just in case they do not make new TVs like they used to. Hopefully I will not have worn out the Previous Channel button on the New Remote by that time. I probably will use it as a plant holder until then.

My new thing, the slap

I discovered that if you slap your forehead with the whole palm of your hand it makes a nice smack sound. It's really very dramatic. I reserve it for special occasions like when someone calls me on my lunch break to inform me their screen is blank and absolutely no moving of the mouse or banging on the keyboard is bringing up their desktop. Ohnowait! I forgot to turn the power back on.

Well! There's no shame in calling for help before you investigate the basics. *insert slap here*

SEE!! The slap! It's so descriptive!

I've also used it when someone stops by to ask why for the past 2 months their computer has been assigning random letters to the end of file names.

And I say: 2 months?? And this is the first I hear of it?? What kind of random letters?

And they say: Oh well sometimes drawings will get pdf or bmp or jpg, some times word files will get doc...

In that case I go and "fix" their system, and then when retelling the story I *insert slap here* .

I guess though I'll probably end up overusing it in the kind of job I'm doing.

Telefono!

One of the most irritating noise in the world (to me anyway) is a phone that is not being answered.

What do you think?

What's that stink?

Discussion at the office this afternoon was: identify that funk.

Someone said "Does it smell like Sales Office's stinky cheese farts?"
Since we have a sewer problem and it is zero degrees today, I offered "Does it smell like the sewer is unthawing?"
"UN-Thawing? Did you just say un-thawing?"

Hoo-boy did I get knocked around for using unthawing. Much like irregardless it's apparently a pet peeve around here. Still, I wanted to prove my point that unthawing is as much a word as the non-standard and nonsensical irregardless. I looked up unthawing on Wikitionary where it's apparently just fine and informed them of the fact.

Scoffingly "Wikipedia, you may have as well looked it up on Urban Dictionary! Here look on Dictionary.com; it doesn't exist! It's not a word!"

Continuing to prove my point I did look it up on Urban Dictionary:

To freeze. Often used as a synonym for thaw or defreeze, although this is hideously incorrect. It actually means the opposite, when taken literally. Don't argue it. You are wrong.

Pete "The pizza was frozen so I let it unthaw for half an hour."
Willy "Get out of here you hick. And for the record, it's 'thaw'."

Don't argue it. You are wrong. I nearly pulled a stomach muscle I was laughing so hard and the guys were flouncing around going "don't argue it, YOU ARE WRONG! You hick!"

That was Grade 7

M: In a bit of news that's guaranteed to make you feel old, MC Hammer's seminal "U Can't Touch This" turns 20 today. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2c4L4CPfQY8
A: I DO feel old.
M: yep!! too funny
A: I remember buying that tape when it came out…ouch.
M: hahahahahaha cassette tape, you ROCK!
A: I wish I still had that tape, although I don’t own a tape player anymore.
M: you can bring your tapes over to my house, I have the technology!!
A: Maria.
The 80’s called. They want their tape player back.
M: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....
no, because I neeed it.

Mean

At my office it doesn't take long for someone to discover treats and raise the alarm. By 'alarm' I do actually mean grown men making fire alarm sounds, whooping sirens and/or shouting "come see! someone brought us treats!"

Today was my breakfast club potluck and I brought a giant dish of fresh fruit, some of which didn't get eaten, so I brought it along to work. I quietly deposited it on the kitchen counter and within about ten minutes it was discovered. Except the alarm was sounded before the lid of the dish was lifted. Ha!

Maximum disappointment = best trick ever! Since my office is right outside the kitchen I got to revel in their disgust each time someone came up to investigate the advertised treats. "FRUIT? WHO WOULD BRING US FRUIT? THAT'S HEALTHY STUFF!"

Rockin' the shades

circa Sept 1981

I'm in the red, Mom's posing, & Melissa's strutting her stuff.

Some random kid in the stroller. Who is that? Definitely not Alex. (I think. Alex never had a faux hawk)

New Year's Reflections

Trying to figure out what I should do with 2010.
I feel I have to work less and be more creative. To start creative juices I started scanning some old slides... they have been waiting a long time to be seen. This four year old me is waiting too. (for fries at the Calgary Zoo)

Junior High Bullies

This week I saw one of my junior high bullies (yes, I admit it IS surprising to find out that I was not actually part of the cool kids group in junior high...) in a restaurant.

It made me extremely happy to see that she had a very badly behaved child that would run away from her through the whole restaurant.

It's all about the little victories.

Honey Buzzards

Yesterday we were watching a terrible documentary on the Honey Buzzards in Japan. Honey Buzzards (if you didn't already know or if you havn't already watched this terrible Japanese documentary) have giant bird feet that dig in the ground to get at yellow jacket nests to pull up the honeycombs and eat the larvae. (Fascinating, I know.)

Anyhoo...The birds themselves were not terrible, but the obviously not North American man doing the same type of voice-over they use for the show Extreme Elimination (including inappropriate voice inflections) was so terrible I almost turned it off. Almost. Then my cat Peanut, who was lazily nodding off in her castle, noticed the buzzards. Before we could do anything she was precariously perched on the 3 inches of space in front of the tv, had her swatting paw up and her nose exactly 1 cm from the screen following the movements of the buzzards and the bees.

It was so entertaining we watched this terrible documentary twice in a row. I can never delete this show from our PVR.

Spelling problems

There are a lot of Internet spelling problems (I know I know, I have my own problems) but I just came across one I've never seen before on a software knowledgebase:

our clients accationaly have problems with...

Engrish

Stamping = engraving into steel using a horrible contraption that makes a lot of bzzt*bzzt*bzzt noises.

Stamping department = lowest on the totem pole, you get promoted to janitor from the stamping department.


Hahahaha... our stamping dept just stamped a whole order for one of our customers with the sentence "Making in Canada"

dude: we're still making them, they're not made yet.

Eating Millet

I've had millet twice this week, cooked in the rice cooker. (1 part millet to 3 parts water) It was so tasty and fluffy, a new favourite which might even replace the couscous staple in my house. I added a tiny pat of butter, some Hy's Seasoning Salt (also a can't-live-without staple) and Lighthouse dried salad herbs directly into my rice cooker.

From wikipedia:

People with coeliac disease can replace certain gluten-containing cereals in their diets with millet.

Millets are also used as bird and animal feed.

Millet, along with birdseed, is commonly used as fillings for juggling beanbags.

So there you go. :birdbrain: