You're welcome!

One of the middle managers sent a few of us a thank you note that was 10 days after the fact. I think that's when you realize that they're sending you a message about how important you really are to them.

Myth Busting

Despite the fact that the building maintenance guys have thrown fruit loops and rice on the stairs and parking lot around our building, it is, in fact, a MYTH that uncooked rice will make pigeons pop when they eat it.

http://www.snopes.com/critters/crusader/birdrice.asp

The fruit loops are still unknown.

Water slides!

I hit every slide in the WaterPark in West Ed yesterday -- it's still was as much fun as when I was 10, and the line-ups are still as long as when I was 10.

Patently Silly

Patently Silly

Indecision

In a course I took last week it was pointed out to me that cell phones really have made our society into a group of indecisive co-dependants. It's true too "Hi, I'm in Safeway, did you want skim milk or whole? Brown bread or white? What do you want for supper, pizza or spaghetti?"

Normally my cell is off because it's for MY convenience, not anyone else's. Truthfully, I can't do more than one thing at one time and I really don't care to hear from people while I'm on the bus or in the grocery store.

I wish I'd thought of this...

Pessimistic Valentines.

Random Worksheet Question

Circle the point on the line that best describes how you felt before you came to this session.

I TOTALLY DID NOT WANT TO COME

I WASN'T SURE IF I REALLY WANTED TO COME

I WANTED TO COME

I have a dirty mind.

Homestaw-runner!

How does anyone on the internet not know about Homestarrunner already??

Oh, and Diana says JibJab too.

Smart man

Someone very smart said:

My personal goals are not really grande... I don't care for fame or fortune. I want to be a good man, with a strong faith and family. Everything else is gravy.

Clip this!

A woman in a meeting I was at today started clipping her nails in the middle of the financial report.

That has to be the grosses thing I've ever encountered... I'm creeped out by the fingernail clippings going into the carpet and the sheer rudeness of ignoring the speaker and meeting going on. Obviously our meeting was interferring with her personal hygiene routine. How dare we!!

Bored to tears

I've got nothing to do. I've had nothing to do practically all week. You'd think I'd be over-joyed, but not so much.

www.dilbert.com
www.blingo.com
www.singingfish.com

Who ever yells loudest wins

That was the theme of a meeting I was in from 8:30 to 3pm. No lunch break.

So many people feel so very passionately about something that really doesn't affect them in the least. It was an all day shout-fest.

Then, trying to stick my nano's ear-bugs into my ears, I accidentally whipped one into my eye... it's been that kind of day, all day.

Invisible

Although as a kid I thought invisibility would be a good power to possess, I am less and less convinced it would be a good thing except if it were coupled with immortality or the power to pass through solid objects.

Last night out for a walk I nearly got run over twice in an intersection by two male drivers. It was a lit intersection; I had reflective striping on my coat; they could see me. In fact the one guy even gave me a smile as he nearly drove over my toes.

I've started considering wearing a sign on my front and back like on a picket line, but my picket would say "CAUTION: PEDESTRIAN!" on the front and on the back (since I usually get run over from behind) "I THROW ROCKS AT CARS".

I've heard you can report these people for reckless driving to the police and they'll get a ticket after the fact... I'm going to start doing that.

Just in case

Just in case anyone cares to keep track of my food dislikes -- my main one is SOUP. I dislike soup a lot, with the exception of tomato soup, borscht, and split pea. I don't love stew all that much either.

Committment issues

One of my character flaws is that I over-commit. If I plan something, I follow through. If I make friends with a person, I'll do my best to focus a lot of time and energy on maintaining a good relationship. If I schedule a meeting, I will be there. If I promise to do something, I will do it.

I'm getting kind of bummed out about how many people cancel -- even at work people who get out of meetings because they forget or don't care or are too busy. I don't have any respect or patience for people who get home and then "don't feel up to going out again."

Email difficulties

There are some people in this world that want to annoy you or make your life difficult. Thankfully they are easily recognized when they email you... here's my favourites:

1. Inline responses.

You write:

Hello there,
Just wondering if you are free for dinner on Saturday -- what would you like to do? Dinner? Movie? Skating?

Also I'm wondering if you're still in contact with what'ser name from school? The blonde with the big teeth? I need her phone number, if you've got it.
Sincerly and thanks, from me.

You get back what looks like the same message, yep the response part is blank and there is your sig at the bottom of the note:

To: you
From: me
Date: sometime
Subject: RE:plans






---- original message -----
From: me
To: you
Date: before the second message
Subject: plans

Hello there,
Just wondering if you are free for dinner on Saturday OK -- what would you like to do? Dinner? OK Movie? Good Skating?

Also I'm wondering if you're still in contact with what'ser name from school? The blonde with the big teeth? I need her phone number, if you've got it. OK
Sincerly and thanks, from me.

2. People who forward jokes. Urban legends. Etc.

Generally this group can be annoying or not at all annoying. They are only not annoying if they're sending you something new.

These things annoy me:

• if they're forwarding you something that everyone has already seen several times since the dawn of internet time, or that you sent THEM and they just didn't even notice where it came from in their excitement to pass it on.


• if they're sending you a story and the subject is all in caps which says THIS IS REALLY TRUE!!! without realising that 100 exclamation points does not make it true


• They send you an email that says: Note forwarded message attached. And you have to go and open someone else's message(s)


• Anything in powerpoint


• Anything with midi music


• Anything with cheesy prayers or dancing emoticons or floaty-cloud or rose pictures


• Anything with a background, notepaper or Comic Sans MS font


• Anything that says something special will happen if you forward it to 10 of your friends


• Anything that says something bad will happen if you don't forward it within 10 minutes to all of your friends

3. Forwards with hundreds of email addresses to scroll through.

4. Or ------ original message ------
upon ------ original message ------
to scroll past before you get to the cheesy forwarded prayer with a rose that blooms, fades, and all the petals fall off.

First day of work

Ever been embarrassed on the first day of a new job? I'm sure everyone has. I get sung to as soon as I am introduced at a new place. Usually that's more annoying than ebarrassing, though some people have voices they should be embarrassed about.

Today we had three new people start. Two men in a department of writers and a woman who looks after the phones at the front desk. I went around to introduce myself to the two men with my Social Club buddy and we told them our names, asked them theirs, and told them where we sat and what we did all day. Very interesting stuff. The admin staff was standing by adding in her two cents. (Not that it was required.) She's a woman I love to hate. In fact on Friday I hated her particularly and spent all weekend kicking myself for letting the weasel get me down.

Anyhow, after we covered what we do, my Social Club buddy and I mentioned that an afternoon coffee is happening this Friday afternoon. Inexplicably the theme is Pets and you're to bring in a photo of your family pet. We mentioned this to the new guys. One lamented the fact that he has no pets while the other said his roommates have pets, so by extension they're sort of his. He was going to bring in a picture.

"Just bring in a picture of yourselves..." says the helpful admin staff, "I mean, you probably pet yourselves, so that works." Social Club buddy and I stared at the floor. Or the ceiling. I can't remember which. The two new guys flushed red. "Oops, that came out wrong, what I meant to say was..." says the admin. My buddy says "Ok just stop. I think we should stop talking now" and leaves.

Spelling hate

5. Using too instead of two. Real live example: "Try too" meaning: Try #2. Second try.

Spelling Hate

I have another entry into my spelling list of shame.

#4. Using to instead of too.

Infuriating

I become absolutely livid when someone tells me to do something... that I'm just about to do. The minute she puts her fork down after supper my Grandma lies in wait for the next person to finish to make a move -- and any sort of shifting will result in a get-it-in-there-quick reproach, "if you're getting up you should take my plate too." Even if you're just getting up to get a glass of milk or shifting to the other cheek. It's not like we don't clear the table every single night after dinner...

Also infuriating are those people who tell you to do something and give you specific instructions, detail upon detail, but you already know all the details. All I want to do is yell "bla bla bla bla bla!!! shut up shupthuptshpup! gaaa!"

Eloquent, huh?

Worst is when someone gives you specific details, specific instructions, and has no clue what they've just asked you to do. No understanding at all. Like posting a form someone's supposed to fill in electronically in pdf format so they can't change any of the fields. Hmm, but we haven't got the technology to produce Adobe Forms, so they'll have to print off the form, write on it in pencil and fax it back. Brilliant--you're an idiot. How about you let me tell you what I can do for you?

Electric Blanket

I think I need one to keep my feet warm at night.

Night of Romance

Looks like my night of Valentine's Day romance will be a few of my colleagues, some chips, some cookies and Sponge Bob Square Pants on the XBox. Whoo!

Coffee

For the longest time I didn't drink coffee, and for two years since I've been at my current job I do drink it. Pretty much daily. Except I make lousy coffee. Everyone knows it. Good thing we don't have a coffee maker at work but only a Starbucks.

So here's a belated New Year's resolution: I do solemly swear I will perfect my techniqe for brewing a perfect cup of coffee. Because I got a tiny four-cup coffee maker as a present for my office cubicle.

Municipal Affairs

I just got a call from someone at the dept. of Municipal Affairs who sounded very official who had a question for me or someone in my department regarding regulating pet cemeteries...

"...um, I think you have the wrong number."

I love picky eaters

I overheard my boss trying to organize food for a lunch meeting recently where she kept saying "and what's in that? any gelatin? any animal by-products?" She was organizing lunch and trying to accommodate the Executive Director of HR who's a Vegan. So that means even salads are chancey -- even organic salads with organic salad dressings because they may be sweetened with honey, and that is an animal by-product. This is a woman, btw, who wears leather pants without any quandary, but apparently has a problem eating honey.

Grandpa wearing a helmet

Saw a guy on the bus this evening wearing an old-school style bicycle helmet. Decided when I grow up I want to be known as the Grandma who wears a pith helmet every where she goes.

Mouthwash

I recently finished what seemed like a four litre jug of Scope. It was massive. It took years to finish. Why do they only sell mouthwash in huge bottles? Do they think people drink it? ... oh. Right.

Well, I don't.

Food issues

I am SO tired about hearing about people's food issues. I think it's because I actually remember what people like or don't like; maybe it's the German hostess in me. My gosh, I even remember what a girl I worked with almost 8 years ago wouldn't eat on pizza. I know that an IT guy I worked with 2 years ago wouldn't eat any "fruit" -- only veggies on pizza. I remember the girl who sat across from him wouldn't eat an olive, ever, and wouldn't eat any food that had touched an olive. Fear of "olive juice" I called it.

And so now I'm working for a vegetarian, and not only a regular vegetarian, but an all-out health food nut, and another woman who eats crap like pizza or chips for lunch. Every single afternoon I hear about the vegetarian not being full an hour after lunch and complaints from the chips lady who falls asleep at her desk because of carbohydrate coma. Regularly both of them complain about sugar comas and tiny pieces of chocolate giving them stomach aches, etc.

SHUT UP!!!

Crying

...so there I was in Roy's office and the sun was totally shining into my eyes, and then I got a scratch in my throat, and then I coughed but it didn't go away and I didn't want to sit there hacking, but it was really scratching, and then my eyes started watering from trying not to cough, but only one eye and all of a sudden Roy said "oh my goodness are you crying?" and I totally WAS but only out of one eye! I told him that it wasn't him or the sun or the sad looking poster we were discussing but a scratch in my throat. When I got back to my desk my nose started running in just the one nostril on the side where my eye was crying... so weird.

Staples

I wonder why scientists and inventors can put people on the moon and still not figure out how to make a stapler that doesn't jam.

Office fun

www.comcastic.com

Erectile Dysfunction

First thing this morning I was putting away my knapsack and getting settled in my cube. I had my back turned as my boss popped her head into my cubicle and said "Your erectile dysfunction..." I turned around and loudly said "I do NOT have erectile dysfunction!" thinking "what the heck?" in my head. She had this funny shocked look on her face as she stared blankly at me. I heard stifled giggling from the cube next to mine.

Turns out she had said "THOSE erectile dysfunction..." and wanted to continue with "...spam emails we're getting are becoming more obscene" before I got all defensive. The lady in the cube next to mine had a great laugh at our expense this morning.

Overdone

You know what's overdone? The tiny little nose piercing on white girls. Every second girl has one.

What's underdone -- nose piercings on guys.

Thank-you for...

...making me laugh. I love funny things that store clerks say.

In the summer, while in a drug store in the States with my friend, we asked a clerk for some help. After providing it we thanked her very much for her trouble and she said "uh-huh!" in a high pitched voice instead of 'you're welcome.' It was very amusing to me. For the rest of the trip I mimicked her "uh-huh!"

Today in the dollar store we asked a clerk if they carried blow up pool toys like water wings, and she went "uh..." and looked like she was going to direct us to the right section of the store, but then she decided she had no idea and said "...ah, I don't get it."

"I don't get it." Instead of "what do you mean?" or "what?" or my favourite "huh?"

"Blow up stuff," we said, "for the pool, like crocodiles or sharks or water wings."

"Oh! No we don't have anything like that."

Gizoogle

This Gizoogle is so funny -- I think it's quite random, as every time I've checked it to have another closer look it seems to have new words and the first time Diana (who sent it to me) looked at it there weren't any swears...

The funniest is our work website, of course, which is legitimately drug and alcohol related. I nearly peed myself when it translated the "for women" section as "for bitchez".

What do you think she's saying?

Click to watch: T shirt folding

Sean think she's saying,

"Men are such jerks. They never do their laundry. Worse yet, they never fold their T-shirts. If even one man learns how to fold his T-shirts as a result of this tutorial video, the world will be a better place. It's probably too much to hope they'll learn to fold their T-shirts as neatly as I'm folding this one, but even a badly folded T-shirt is better than an unfolded T-shirt."

Both Tannis and Diana were like "oh I saw that on Martha Stewart the other day!"

Oh yeah!?

I was waiting to cross the street with Diana at lunch. A woman in a truck and on a cell phone nearly drove over about 20 of us who were all waiting to cross the street, obviously distracted, and not paying attention to the fact that she's driving downtown where there are a lot of people out due to the nice weather. We all stopped in our tracks and hoped we wouldn't be driven over -- I had been in midsentence and I grabbed Diana's arm and changed my sentence to "oh what is this IDIOT doing?" As I said IDIOT the woman looked up and saw all of us and stepped on her brakes and saw me say IDIOT...

She had stopped though, so we all walked on. When I got back to the office, Mike (former army guy who now works with us) had been coming across the street opposite us, said that the woman interrupted her phone call, rolled down her window and yelled some thing at my back. I didn't hear her due to traffic, but he said that he gave her a dressing down for being in the crosswalk, for being on a cell phone and for not watching for pedestrians. I'm not sure why I think that's so funny... I just do. If she swore at me and I had heard it I don't think I would have done anything.

I think Mike saw me the last time I nearly got run over when I kicked a car too.

That tingly feeling

Some days I get a pins-and-needles kind of feel in the back of my head. It's like my spidey-senses are tingling.

Maybe I have a tumor.

Chopstix are for Germans!

Tee hee!
http://www.randomshirts.com/productinfo/chopstix.htm

Tuque

Tuque is one of those quintessential Canadian words. No one really knows how to spell it. Outlook says: SEE Canada - accessories. Ha ha!

Today I won a tuque from yellowpencil, or rather, Brian won it and gave it to me. This guy Paul talked to us at the session today. He was interesting. Especially when I looked at his website.

Mush

I couldn't be mushy if you paid me -- unless I actually felt something for someone...

This was a crazy week. Yesterday afternoon a woman from our team popped into my cube and asked if I would be willing to copy 1 training video CD 100 times. It would help them out a lot. Usually they got IT to do the mundane task for them.

I let her know that we could but it would probably be more cost effective time and resources-wise to let a reproduction company copy the CDs.

In my head I was thinking "What?? Nonononoooo!! Never. Not in a million years! Just NO."

Stunned

Just this past week someone used the line "You might be my missing bone" in an attempt to hit on me. In the amount of time that it took me to process the statement and then process the fact that I'd just been hit on, the moment had past.

Sad really.

Someone else told me today that he thought the comment deserved a slap. Didn't think that it was appropriate to use the word "bone" in a pick up line with a woman.

Woo!

I now have sleep-related bruxism.

NOTE!! Full-moon on Saturday

I've been noticing the crazies since TUESDAY.

House

Conversation in lunchroom today:

J: "...what I really like and am looking for is a bungalow."
R: "oh yeah, what do you like about a bungalow?"
J: "well the fact that there aren't stairs, so you're not running up and downstairs all the time."
P: "or you could look at a bi-level."
J: "is that where there are stairs right at the entrance? yeah, those are nice too. maybe a bi-level."
T: "or a split, some are three- or four- or five-level splits, the flights of stairs are not whole flights."
J: "yeah, a split would be ok. Or a two-story is nice too."

Oh good J, glad we could help you, we finally narrowed down your search criteria to: HOUSE.

Smells like a stale pillow to me

Some people don't shower everyday. Some people claim that this helps their hair to stay shinier, and it's healthier for their bodies to not wash off the essential oils off their dry skin every day. "I can do it," they say, "My skin and hair look better, and I don't smell!" they claim.

If you are such a person, maybe YOU can't smell yourself -- but I can. You smell like stale pillow. Stale pillow on a good day, and stinky, rank garlic pillow on bad days.

I CAN SMELL YOU!

Chocolate Advents Calendars

I'm not sure if anyone else was as amused as I was by my chocolate (schlocklit, as my cousin Toby calls it) Advents Calendar which this year was WAWI brand.

Every door I opened didn't correspond with the picture on the chocolate hidden behind it. Rather, it corresponded inversely with the pictures displayed in the row that it came from. Make sense?

To explain: if I opened door 3, the right picture would have been behind door 2, and door 2's chocolate corresponded with 3. The 1 and the 4 pictures belonged to the other chocolate. Anyhow, nevermind, that's a poor explaination but it doesn't matter.

Imagine my surprise to open December 10th's door and to see a pair of dildos etched in chocolate, when it should have been Santa's face, and have to wait until Dec 24 to find out that it may in fact have been some weird... bowling thing.

Any ideas what it is??

Plastic Wrap

The house party I was at last night was hosted at an older couple's house because they had enough room for a chocolate fountain and foosball tables and air hockey tables, etc. At some point I noticed the family room tv remote control was covered in plastic wrap... "that's a little odd" I thought to myself.

I brought it up as an oddity in a conversation this morning with my cousin who said "oh, that's so that no crumbs get into the remote and also the plastic wrap will help keep the writing on the remote buttons, for play, rewind, etc."

I should have known better than to bring it up with the cousin that travels with her own flat sheets.

Family Therapy

After all the family togetherness this season I think it might be appropriate to get some therapy.

But I guess I'll wait until after New Year's when the next batch of family arrive.

Abgelutscht

Oh what fun it is to be... abgelutscht on a staircase by an Oma. Last night at church this Oma I know only slightly was kissing and slobbering all over my cheek. In my revulsion and panic to get away I nearly pushed the old lady down the stairs. Staircase kissing isn't very safe.

Nano!

Nano nano nano nano nano!!! I love my iPod Nano!

You'd think they'd want money

Third only to phone/cell phone companies and banks in the "Unhelpful and annoying customer service phone lines" are utility companies I found out today. You'd think they want money for services provided, but not only can banks not add your utility to your list of billers online, and not only do their websites not accept online payments, neither do their customer service lines!! Yep. That's right, tried the bank online, drove to an ABM, tried online again, tried their website and nothing. Called them and the helpful guy told me that unless my power was being cut off they couldn't process a payment for me.

List # 10047: Spelling mistakes I HATE.

If you know me at all, you know I love lists. Here's one I have always had in the back of my brain.

Spelling mistakes I HATE:

1. Definately
2. Alot
3. of coarse

Look familiar?

Coughing and Sneezing

People who have hacking attacks are so annoying. I can't even convey how much subconcious anger I feel when people get a coughing fit.

Same goes for loud explosive sneezes.

not as smart as me.

I am a true skeptic. If I'm talking to someone, I always start with the assumption that the other person is a total dork.

Usually, I'm right.

Winning

It saddens me to realize that I never win. I am not one of those "golden" people, to whom everything comes easliy, as if they have a lucky horseshoe stuck to their backside. I don't win raffles, I don't win the lottery, I don't win baskets or door-prizes, I don't get the million dollar dream home in the hospital lotteries. It's very sad to realize that I am going to have to work for everything that I want in life. Sort of a tiring thought.

ANGER

I've spent at least two hours calling phone companies and banks today. Still trying to get my personal life sorted out. No one is being very helpful.

I HATE the voice automated robots. You repeat what they say instead of punching in numbers -- and give them your phone number at every single menu level. It's insane! I feel like a total moron talking to myself in my cube mumbling desperately "account information" "billing inquiry" "customer service" "change my address" "help!!"

The best person I did end up speaking to was when I was routed to some completely different department than customer service because my boss walked up and asked me a question thinking I was on hold. I wound up talking to the most competent person in the entire company.

Just now I fired off a nasty email to Telus after their on hold radio station was playing the trees in the parking lot song. I hung up. How anyone thought that THAT song deserved a remake, I'll NEVER understand. I HATE IT. HATE IT!!! I'm SO ANGRY at that song and the stupid on hold music and phone companies!!!

In Passing

Just overheard:

"you look lost in thought..."

"Oh, sorry I didn't notice you there. Yes, to avoid work I walk around the halls very fast and look worried."

Oh oh.

I almost always sit next to a guy on the bus in the mornings. Mostly because he's safe. For one thing I know he won't try to have a chitchat conversation with me, though we normally say "hi" and "how's it going, how was your weekend?". For another thing he gets off after the bus is packed and then thins out, so I will almost always wind up sitting alone and at the window for at least half the trip and don't have to share a seat.

This morning he told me he had a dream about me, in which I was sleeping peacefully. I felt a little weird about that. I didn't ask if it was on the bus or WHY I was being featured in his dream. He's certainly never been in any of mine.

Pollyanna and the talking clock

Sounds like a Nancy Drew mystery.

Ever since my Grandma's eyesight has failed she's had a talking clock. She whacks it across the top and it says "Good Morning/Evening. The time is Nine Fourty Six. The Day is Friday, October 28th." It's quite clever. I've felt a teeny bit cheated though because she associates the voice with my sister, even though when she's talking to the real live versions of us she can't always tell us apart.

Tonight we listened to her favourite cassette: Pollyanna. I feel better now -- or worse about being slighted that my voice isn't the clock... because to my Grandma, when she thinks about my personality and life story, I am Pollyanna.

Oooh ouch!

http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life_article.php?id=6965

Evacuation

Until I got my job two years ago I had a hard time understanding how the people in the buildings that got hit on 9/11 ended up staying at their desks. Working with the people I work with now I fully understand how this can happen.

Funny (bad funny) things happen in our building all the time, and when the managers go around telling people "you can leave, if you want, but you could stay and see if it gets any better..." you know that they actually mean, you can leave if you want, however, you're a big pansy and undedicated for not sticking it out. I know people end up staying at their desks -- even though there's a gas leak in the building, or rolling brown-outs, or the water pipes on the 12th floor burst and there's a literal waterfall coming down the elevator shafts and the stairs, or the temperature has reached a maximum of 16 degrees in the dead of a -35 cold snap -- out of guilt.

Today was gas leak day. The amount of time our staff spent in the foyer of the building discussing their guilt about leaving was about 45 minutes. It was ok because the elevators weren't working anyway because it was too windy of a day (long story) so we couldn't have gone back upstairs, but I went out for coffee after about five seconds of dithering. I can't take dithering anymore than I can take a guilt trip by a manager about saftey, which they ought to consider first and foremost.

Take Your Cat To Church Day!

Leaving the church parking lot this morning we drove behind a car with the windows open and a Siamese cat enjoying some fresh air...

Importance: High

I hate that red exclamation point (!) that the executive admins put on all of their email. I think they must have their outlook pre-programmed that all their email goes out with High Importance.

I think it must be some way to over-compensate for Low Self-Worth or Just Want Attention or to let you know that My Panties Will Be In A Twist If You Ignore Me.

Please, please stop. Every email is dealt with in the order that it is received. No exceptions. And please don't call me to follow up. I'll call you when I am working on your item and only if I have a question.

Acronym soup

In a conversation I once absent-mindedly (and innocently) asked "what does that acronym stand for?" which led to the most hilarious session of What It Could Stand For.

Today at work as I was daydreaming in a meeting, and I supposed that it would be quite funny to be talking to your colleagues when they think you are discussing Electronic Document Management (EDM) but you're really talking about Electric Dancing Monkeys. Or Eleven Donkey Manes. Or Elves Doing the Mambo.

New House

Today I bought a house! Yippee!!

MindTravellers Inc.

Walking to a meeting today I past a pretty much unremarkable storefront window that was completely empty. On a page they'd printed their name -- MindTravellers Inc. -- and some contact information. I wondered what kind of a store or shop MindTravellers could be.

It could be:

• People who travel without leaving the comfort of their lay-Z boy
• Travellers who travel in order to learn new things about places and cultures
• Travellers who travel in order to attend faraway universities and colleges
• a group that move through crowds jumping from one brain to another brain, much like train-jumping, much like evil mind-robbing aliens, in order to get to interesting places

That's all I thought of in the time it took me to get to where I was going. Interesting name though.

Amendment

To yesterday's entry about bad drivers I would like to add: those who wonder about turning left at a red light. Yep. Tonight.

That sure freaked me out -- sitting in the middle of a pretty much deserted street, but nevertheless in the middle of the intersection, trying to turn left at a red light.

Bad drivers

You know, this might be a dead-horse-flogging sort of topic, but I'm continually surprised when I am a passenger in a vehicle of people I trust... you'd think that by my excellent and intelligent choice of friends, I would know people who don't commit driving offenses. Such is not the case.

My particular favourites are barrelling up to a red light and turning right without stopping, second only to cutting off a driver turning right when turning left.

Sigh.

A LOT

I don't think I can convey my annoyance enough when I get business emails where someone has misspelled the words a and lot as one word -- alot.

As in "Thanks a lot!"

It is not one word. Not ever.
Spread the word... I mean, words.

Greetings

The Germans make a huge deal about greeting one another.

The other thing they totally make a huge deal about is greeting people, for you, when they travel.

I totally don't get it in this day and age anymore. I mean... by the time that I send greetings with you to my sister in Winnipeg, I'll have talked on the phone with her. Twice. At very least.

Pink boots

Yesterday on the way home I watched this little kid being towed along by her mother out of the bus window. She was wearing pink rubber boots. Pink Boots was about three years old and she would step-kick, step-kick, step-kick. Her older sister was walking on ahead of them with a box of timbits, and her brother was on the other side of the mom. Our bus stopped at the bus stop for a while to unload a passenger in a wheelchair. When the bus finally drove on down the street I saw a pink boot lying on the sidewalk... but no little girl in sight. When we got way down to the end of the block the mother was standing there laughing while Pink Boots stood with one sock and one pink boot, while her sister with the timbits ran back all the way down the street to fetch the boot.

I wish I had pink rubber boots

Friday coffee

I caved and had a coffee today. It's Friday, I had a long hard week. I deserve it.

The Addict

Hello, my name is Maria.
(Hi Maria!)
I'm addicted to Coffee. It's been one day since my last coffee.

The story is that my boss and I go for Starbucks every day. It adds up. So we're not going to do it any more we decided: No More Coffee.

As my boss is in Nepal for five weeks weaning herself off coffee is easy. Me, not so easy.

The person in the cube next to me makes coffee in her cube every morning. Every morning it smells so good. It smells like warm dark yummy coffee. It smells like Sunday mornings at my Grandpa's house. It makes me feel happy. It makes me hungry for some porridge.

I wish I could just lick her stirring spoon.

Cell Phone Dilemma

Earlier this week I got called to come into the office of one of our top IT people, a woman that I respect a great deal for her intelligence, tenacity and general all-around goodness. She's an interesting person, and when I got to her office she had her cell phone lying open like a tent under the desk lamp... like she was trying to heat it up. Periodically during our meeting she'd grab the cell phone, wipe it, close it, open it, shake it, punch in some numbers and sigh and shake her head. Eventually she explained that she'd dropped it into some water and was hoping to dry it out under the lamp.

Eventually she explained that while she was in the bathroom her phone accidentally slipped out of her suit jacket and fell into the toilet. She'd already lost one cell phone this way and wasn't pleased about the possibility of having to replace this new expensive gadget. "But shh... don't tell anyone!"

Funnier yet than her dropping cell phones repeatedly into the toilet is the fact that I know another woman in our office who's dropped hers more than once into the toilets too.

Cold Day

When it's cold and windy outside the elevator doors in this building don't close. Moving in an elevator to another floor involves people pushing the doors together from the outside and inside. It's an interesting bonding experience for all the staff in this building.

The temperature in the building is around 19 degrees.

Also we have no hot water today. It really is a cold day, all around.

Go fish

Crazy friend has decided that he wants to try something new.
Which never happens.
Weirder yet, he's decided to try a new fish...

...except we live in the Prairies.

We're not known for our good or fresh fish.

Contest Winners

Remember the PIG?? Well I won second place in the garden picture contest, out shone only by a woman who set up a slug bar in her backyard (all part of her war on slugs this summer) called Slugweegee's Bar and Grill. Note the slugs perched on the tiny lounge chairs...

Banana Guard

I need one of these!
http://www.bananaguard.com/

Keep yer ears warm!

Based on the fact that Canada is cold, my Grandma who is moving here on Monday let my sister know that we must go wig shopping for her, and get a nice warm, fluffy wig. She is afraid that the extreme cold winter will mean her head will get cold. In fact, she is afraid of any draft on her body, but especially on her head. Drafts -- that's what German Grannies worry about. A lot.

"Mach die tür zu! Es zieht!"

So far so good...
Actually, it's looking great. Ilona painted the ceiling and the walls. I did all the edging.

Life is so cool

This is possibly the funniest blog I've read ever. I don't think it's supposed to be funny, but it just is. Read the entry "She's Boyfriend" and "Chat 1" which contains Hello Kitty Chicks laughing "kkkkk!"

I got busted at work by Lisa for goofing off because I was laughing kkkkkk! in my cube.

Velcro

Marcella and Andrea and I overheard a conversation at the mall. It was odd that all three of us were listening in on it, and the best was that we all three burst out laughing, probably as long and as loudly as we have laughed in a good long while...

A man was pushing his wife in a wheelchair through The Bay lingerie section and remarked to her in a very loud, incredulous voice, as if what he was about to say was the next great invention or the solution to a worldwide problem "you know what? do you know what I just don't understand? I can't figure out how come they haven't made a bra yet that closes... with velcro!"

Granted: velcro is useful. Very useful. In fact, it's probably one of the top 20-or-so inventions of the 20th century. It's application though, however useful the invention is, has its limitations.

The New Mattress

This afternoon we had a mattress set delivered by two guys -- one was named Don who couldn't get enough of our house (just loved it) and his partner a little guy who didn't say a word. The little guy went to throw the plastic wrap into the truck while Marcella and I helped drag the old mattress to the stairs... and Don called out "hey! Marcello! Get in here!" We both went "hey!! Marcello?" and Don said "yeah, he's from Mexico. He wants to see snow -- so he came up here and he's not leaving until April next year, can you believe it??"

We introduced Marcello to Marcella and he pointed and laughed this funny little laugh and said "Ha ha, we could get married!"

Mr. Samosa Hut

The best places for East Indian food in Edmonton is on the southside, particularly in Millwoods, deep in the hood some where off the beaten path. I thought we'd pretty much discovered all the gems, but my sister and I drove past Danny Hacksaws Neighbourhood Pub 'n Grub the other day and noticed a tiny little stored called Mr. Samosa Hut. We figured it might be a nice Friday night take-out with our good friend Natalie and two Patrick Swayze movies from the late 80's. So the three of us wandered into this cute little place which had the most amazing buffet ever! Cute little tables, flowers everywhere, and great staff. Needless to say we got our samosas to stay, and ate our fill of the buffet besides. It's going to be our new favourite place. The naan was piping hot and fluffy enough to use as a pillow.

Bus reading

"... are these books really any good? Do they really say anything to us? Only the very immature and the very stupid are impressed by the depraved."

- from The Sunday Philosophy Club

(on why people read convicted murderers books)

Hat

http://www.notmartha.org/tomake/funnyhat.html
I want this hat!!

Gummy Bears

Two women on the bus today were in a loud discussion. It was minorly annoying until I started listening in on their conversation. It was "Things That Smell Like Gummy Bears."

So cute...

Patrick told me today that all men (or boys) need lots and lots of encouragement when they do positive things. Everyone wants to feel special, but especially males. Who knows why.

When he vacuums and his wife says "thank you" he tells her "I thought someone should vacuum. I didn't want it to be you." (for extra bonus points or just to be cute?)

When he unloads the dishwasher and his wife says "I appreciate your effort, thank you" he says "I thought someone should unload the dishwasher... I didn't want it to be you."

Birthdays

I am bad at remembering everyone's birthday. I refuse to feel bad about it. I can only think of so many important things in my life. If I remember them, then they should be happy.

I count on everyone to self-advertise their birthday if they want presents.

Speaking of which I have decided presents are a silly waste of money. I would be much happier if I could get everyone to keep their money for the birthday gift they'd buy me. Then they could take all that money (from the whole year of not buying other people presents) and buy themselves the big expensive gift they really want.

I would do the same. The outcome would be self-indulgent happy people, and the world would make sense once again!

The Organic Duck

Last night I went out for dinner with my friend to this tiny, trendy place on Whyte and had "The Organic Duck, with saskatoon berry glaze and a vegetable medley." The waiter kept referring to it as "The Organic Duck" as if "The Organic Duck" was its Proper Name.

Now in my memory I've never had duck before but I'm sure that a duck has the same bone structure and consistency of any other bird. I know it's quite a fatty bird, and has dark meat. I imagine it to be like the dark meat of a turkey. In any case, I am 99% sure that though it was tasty and delicious, it was not an Organic duck, nor any bird of any kind. I think it might have been lamb, but didn't taste as gamey as the lamb my Grams makes. It was medium rare, tough as a steak, and kind of light-pink. Super odd.

The waiter kept coming back to our table and asking "Ladies... and how is The Organic Duck?" And we were both like "Yum! Great!" too embarrassed to say "what are we really eating??"

It might have been a kitchen joke.

The Chef says to the waiter "Another organic duck? But we've only got one left! You'll have to tell the girls at table eight that we ran out of the special tonight."

"But that's so embarrassing! It's a Monday night, there's barely a handful of people in here... I know! Just prepare the lamb and I'll keep refering to it as The Organic Duck and they'll never tell the difference!" the waiter replies.

It really was good, whatever it was.

Sweatpants

Waiting for my sister in the car outside BestBuy on Saturday evening I watched this man and his wife enter the store. His wife was wearing a wrinkley windbreaker/sweatpants combo. He was wearing green sweatpants -- with cuffs.

Yes, green cuffed sweatpants. He also was wearing a long sleeved black shirt under a short sleeved black t-shirt. T-shirts tucked in. Into his pants. The afore-mentioned green sweats with cuffs.

While tucking in the shirt he probably thought to himself "this will make the whole outfit a little more dressy."

Alex in jail...

Bad Terrible Waste of Money

Don't go see The Constant Gardener. It was a great film, but a total waste of $15. Seriously, the documentary-style camera jiggling made me so ill that by half way through the movie I had to close my eyes or else I would have puked. Afterward my friend and I were going to go out for coffee -- we decided to take a rain check and we were both worried about how we were going to drive home.

I was a great film though. Well worth renting and viewing on the smallest screen you can find.

Notorious P-I-G

This is going to be the winning entry in the Garden Picture contest at work next week. I can just feel it.

Soup Stone

Maria makes borscht. Ingredients compliments of Patrick.

Lime & Mint

Mmm... fresh peppermint from Patrick's garden makes great peppermint tea. I like mine with a slice of lime.

This morning my brother saw the peppermint steeping and told me in a knowing voice "you can't make peppermint tea from fresh leaves. They have to be dried." Pffft!! HA! It doesn't turn dark and horrible tasting from fresh leaves -- is what I told him.

Close enough

On Tuesday afternoon, as I was leaving work, I nearly got run over in an intersection with five other people by this girl in a red VW Jetta who was yakking on a cell phone trying to turn right -- but trying to turn right quickly by speed around us. It's getting so bad you can hardly walk without getting run over in the city! So... I reached out and touched her. Seriously. I was close enough she nearly drove over my toes and the toes of the woman next to me. Luckily I was wearing my butt-kickin' boots.

I kicked the car so hard it left a mark, right behind the tire. Everyone else in the intersection cheered and someone said "That's right! You tell her!" She sped away. Too bad, otherwise she would have gotten a piece of my mind to go with that mark I left.

Random Worry of the Day

Quite often I have a random worry of the day. Usually it's cigarette ashes flying into my eye, or dried-flaked-off-pigeon-poo flying into my eye on a windy day.

Today I am worried about my wheels falling off my axel. Or rather, the other way around. I'm afraid that I'm missing some of the bolts that keep the body of the car attached to the wheels, and specifically that at some point I'm going to step on the brakes hard and the body of the car will keep going.